Hello fellow Indian Men,
Now this one is going to be a bit nasty and might hurt u as much as it hurts when u get hit at ur 'manlihood meter' but let me mention before I start..I am proud to be an Indian and happily belong to the clan of Indian men...Have u ever made an attempt to stretch ur observation powers a little beyond Chicks and observe each other...I am not talking abt swinging to the other side of the gender, instead its just a courteous attempt to throw some light upon US, the Indian Men...
To cut the ribbon: you all might have heard a lot about the B triangle (aka bermuda triangle), let me introduce you to the H triangle, which engulfs us, the Indians...the three H that define most of us are..Hair, Hygiene and Habits...
H-One:
All Indian men, have miles of hair on them..according to a survey, whose results are subject to change without any intimation, number of hair on Indian men is equal to the number of rice grains india produces every year..Now many men consider it to be a sign of manlihood and others hate them like weed in their kitchen garden...personally I can go on and on and on about this "Hairy-Fairy Tale"..but let me press the breaks by quoting Russell Peters, "God played a cruel joke on Indian men, he put them in some of the hottest parts of the world with forests of hair on them...Then he said..Go enjoy!!"
H-Two:
Lets not talk about hygiene...we might end up getting in such corners of your house or body parts which might lead to the phenomenon called "mass puking"...just a friendly advice...lets take bath regularly,atleast everyday!!
H-Three:
Habits...hmmm..wat to say..Our habits make us stand above any league of ordinary or even extraordinary Men..One of the most common habits of most of us is scratching..be it scratching head, chest, waist, neck, cheek,nose or...!! all of us have a favourite body part where we start scratching when we are doing nothing...You see, we cant sit idle..Just observe it once, and you will end up laughing in many situations...let me quote an example without the due permission of my dear friend...He has this "subconscious scratching" habit and his fav part is a little below naval..though not very unhygienically below...The other day he met a gal who was in his school after couple of years..standing on the road, leaning on the street light pole, his subconscious took over him and while his hands were busy,he delivered the dialogue..."Has been years since we met, wanna come home!!"..Imagine the rest!!
Going topless is one of the rituals which most of us love...be it the pandit in temple who is uncovered above waist or the lesser-men endorsing the national uniform aka baniyan (undershirt)...and if we wear shirts, we keep the top one or two buttons open to stick to our culture! We see no shame in showing off our manly chests!
Another habit of 'the' US is the "street-lion" behaviour..No matter how much humble or may be meak we are, most of us forget the spellings of humility when we realise that we are standing in an area which is closer to our home...I am talking about all those dudes who stand at the shops at the corner of streets sometimes eve-teasing, ..or all those kings who feel the imaginary air of "his-highness" while walking down their residential street with their chest puffed up and eyes searching for the north pole star believing that all gals are checking them out...or studs who ride bikes like stunt men near their homes...This "kingism" is backed by the assurance that we are close to our house and we have enough "backing" available, incase we get into any trouble! You will find most of these lions roaming in herds..pumping each other to do something which is not being allowed...e.g. the dj tells to lionA, u cant dance..lionA comes to lionB and lionC and informs them that their request is being turned down..lionB and lionC get up and say "Come, lets see how that a**hole is not letting us dance"..they go to the dance floor and push the lionA in the front to do most of the talking,while they stand behind supporting him morally :) isnt that a common site we can relate to!!
The list doesnt end here..and I hope most of us will take these Hz sportingly!! Some of the other observations include,
letching..where almost every Indian man tries it atleast more than n times to tease or oggle at the females with "those" eyes..As commented by many gals "Such deprived souls we are"!!
public-service...using roads and streets as personal comodes and wash-basins is our birth right..No matter how educated or facilitated we are, there is no fun like indulging in public service!
hugging, holding hand and kissing fellow men..these might b the ways of showing affection but once in a blue moon they are fine..not for every 'white' or 'no moon' reason!!
After reading this most of us might believe that these observations are not restricted to only India but are worse in other parts of the planet and not all the things mentioned belong to everyone...but in one way or the other most of us can relate to more than one of the things mentioned here!
Last words :- I am still straight and will stay unto D day...Observing fellow men, was just like window shopping or bird watching or star gazing...I still love indulging in some of these "Indian-men" acts and will always be a proud Indian coz no matter what happens or wat we do "we Indians gave world "The Kamasutra" and we can still screw the world in more number of ways than they can imagine!!- Papa C J"
Thursday, July 10, 2008
Friday, June 13, 2008
HIGH DEFINED!
Caveat: This writeup is for those who know/feel that science is not only a subject but a feeling!
Driving on a highway, listening to Metallica, imagining the guitarists fingers flowing through the fret board of the guitar, i cud feel myself getting goosebumps! I was wondering what is it in human beings that gives them a high. Isn't it so astonishing that the mind which controls the whole body, itself loses control and flies! How does one provide a reason for this state in which the mind-body transcend. Let me give it a try..
To begin with, how does one get a high...what are the shooters that give u a high...Most of you relate high with booze/dope but I believe that they give the worst quality of highs.It is one of the most short lived highs that also leads to post-high effects like hangover and GUILT. And surprisingly the best things that give you a high are not palpable..your favourite song, a beautiful alaap by your favourite singer, an amazing dance, a beautiful move in your favourite sport or the most simple of all a good deed that makes ur soul happy smthng like making a kid smile :) {sounds too philosophical but I guess it works...thats the EQ on which vodafone and airtel adds cash on}
So what is it that gives sends the mind to a different world.. I feel its a simple scientific rule of communication that can define the high... here goes the THEORY OF HIGH:
Every communication is accomplished in 3 steps... u send a message, receiver receives a message and sends u an acknowledgement, u receive the acknowledgement to complete the loop of communication....our body works in the same manner, brain tells the body to do smthng, body does it and asks the head if its being done in the right manner, then the brain decides if its being done in the best possible way!
Now when u get a high, your body stops listening to the brain..its as simple as the fact that there are no 2 entities like the brain and the body...they become a single piece and there is no time lag of communication and acknowledgement....imagine ur favourite shooter and u ll b easily able to identify where does this rule fit into it!
P.S: I kno this article is ultra philosophical and scientific..forgive me from digressing from my "humour" oriented style of writing! Comments still awaited!
Driving on a highway, listening to Metallica, imagining the guitarists fingers flowing through the fret board of the guitar, i cud feel myself getting goosebumps! I was wondering what is it in human beings that gives them a high. Isn't it so astonishing that the mind which controls the whole body, itself loses control and flies! How does one provide a reason for this state in which the mind-body transcend. Let me give it a try..
To begin with, how does one get a high...what are the shooters that give u a high...Most of you relate high with booze/dope but I believe that they give the worst quality of highs.It is one of the most short lived highs that also leads to post-high effects like hangover and GUILT. And surprisingly the best things that give you a high are not palpable..your favourite song, a beautiful alaap by your favourite singer, an amazing dance, a beautiful move in your favourite sport or the most simple of all a good deed that makes ur soul happy smthng like making a kid smile :) {sounds too philosophical but I guess it works...thats the EQ on which vodafone and airtel adds cash on}
So what is it that gives sends the mind to a different world.. I feel its a simple scientific rule of communication that can define the high... here goes the THEORY OF HIGH:
Every communication is accomplished in 3 steps... u send a message, receiver receives a message and sends u an acknowledgement, u receive the acknowledgement to complete the loop of communication....our body works in the same manner, brain tells the body to do smthng, body does it and asks the head if its being done in the right manner, then the brain decides if its being done in the best possible way!
Now when u get a high, your body stops listening to the brain..its as simple as the fact that there are no 2 entities like the brain and the body...they become a single piece and there is no time lag of communication and acknowledgement....imagine ur favourite shooter and u ll b easily able to identify where does this rule fit into it!
P.S: I kno this article is ultra philosophical and scientific..forgive me from digressing from my "humour" oriented style of writing! Comments still awaited!
Thursday, May 22, 2008
Chelsea Vs. ManU
I feel that penalty shoot-outs is just a way of forcibly finishing the game and giving it some result. Tossing a coin to find the result is just another option for the same though its a bit more easier and less biased than penalties.
First 40 minutes of the game ManU came all guns roaring but the moment Chelsea pressed the accelerator the red rodents ran hither-thither as if a cat has passed by. They were not able to understand whats that spherical thing rolling on the grass :) To summarize you will not find a blue supporter who is ashamed/utterly
disappointed of the loss but many ManU fans are still panting, trying to find that "sigh of relief"
I m sure the blues ve won many more fans (though not the cup). Drogba was indeed a shame!
At the end of the day, it was just another game where the score line never told who played better...one of the games
for which its said ...WELL PLAYED BUT HARD LUCK!
As far as Tevez is concerned, may be its my lack of opportunities or may b my good luck, I ve never seen him play for what he was bought. He is the Shevchenko of ManU.
I kno many of u will post ur comments on the rhythm "ManU has WON and thats the end of it" and I truely agree with them.
First 40 minutes of the game ManU came all guns roaring but the moment Chelsea pressed the accelerator the red rodents ran hither-thither as if a cat has passed by. They were not able to understand whats that spherical thing rolling on the grass :) To summarize you will not find a blue supporter who is ashamed/utterly
disappointed of the loss but many ManU fans are still panting, trying to find that "sigh of relief"
I m sure the blues ve won many more fans (though not the cup). Drogba was indeed a shame!
At the end of the day, it was just another game where the score line never told who played better...one of the games
for which its said ...WELL PLAYED BUT HARD LUCK!
As far as Tevez is concerned, may be its my lack of opportunities or may b my good luck, I ve never seen him play for what he was bought. He is the Shevchenko of ManU.
I kno many of u will post ur comments on the rhythm "ManU has WON and thats the end of it" and I truely agree with them.
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
Observations
Hello blog/blog readers...
I was hibernating in the polythene and finally fell short of breath. So had to come out. It seems ages since I poured my observations in the polythene. Though I have not come up with a specific plan or agenda to talk about but lets talk in general and lets see what we end up with...
After finding the "wife on Mars" my humour bone started shrinking and I guess I started finding less reasons to laugh about...may b i fell in love with the "wife on Mars". If I try to recapitulate my observations for last 3 months...I find nothing really funny out there...the same old noise machine i ride..the same old pot hole on the Madivala Market road which is getting deeper and will soon form Madivala Lake: Part II...the same old cow standing besides the road trying to cross the road at around 6:30pm, peak office hour (i wonder how she manages to be so punctual...or can she smell me coming). Talking about road observations..let me share smthng scientific..I ve come up with a theory of "pillion sniffer".
using MY theory of "pillion sniffer" you can easily find out from a distance the age and gender of the pillion rider on the two wheeler in front of you...from one arm distance anybody can find this out but mind it i m talking about "from a distance"...The calculations are as follows: If the person sitting behind is holding the support behind the bike then either its an old man(worried for his life) or a gal (to maintain safe distance)...now if the head is still, neck stretched tall, peeping over the rider's shoulder then its for sure a gal..who is trying to look at the road ahead and all set to jump in case her eyes catch something which the rider missed...u see gals normally dont trust guys blindly...if the neck is relaxed and head is swirling all over the world..then its a young lad checking out or i shud say making observations... they dont care where they fall!
Note: This theory adheres to the theory of relativity..so it might not hold good in all situations...there are non-male and non-female people arnd us,'mind it'!!
Coming back to traffic...Tata uncle has come up with a gr8 solution for zipping through jams and narrow roads...I wont go in details of describing the microscopic features of Nano...but one thing is for sure...the world is going nano (read small)...everything is shrinking...it all started with the global village concept where distances started shrinking..then came lawn mower which shrunk to an electric shaver...following this shrinking norm came internet, mobile phones, pamela anderson wardrobe, T20 cricket and now nano...god knows wats in store in future...Just hope that for some things the rule of "the bigger the better" holds good always!!
Till the next set of observations...Chao!
I was hibernating in the polythene and finally fell short of breath. So had to come out. It seems ages since I poured my observations in the polythene. Though I have not come up with a specific plan or agenda to talk about but lets talk in general and lets see what we end up with...
After finding the "wife on Mars" my humour bone started shrinking and I guess I started finding less reasons to laugh about...may b i fell in love with the "wife on Mars". If I try to recapitulate my observations for last 3 months...I find nothing really funny out there...the same old noise machine i ride..the same old pot hole on the Madivala Market road which is getting deeper and will soon form Madivala Lake: Part II...the same old cow standing besides the road trying to cross the road at around 6:30pm, peak office hour (i wonder how she manages to be so punctual...or can she smell me coming). Talking about road observations..let me share smthng scientific..I ve come up with a theory of "pillion sniffer".
using MY theory of "pillion sniffer" you can easily find out from a distance the age and gender of the pillion rider on the two wheeler in front of you...from one arm distance anybody can find this out but mind it i m talking about "from a distance"...The calculations are as follows: If the person sitting behind is holding the support behind the bike then either its an old man(worried for his life) or a gal (to maintain safe distance)...now if the head is still, neck stretched tall, peeping over the rider's shoulder then its for sure a gal..who is trying to look at the road ahead and all set to jump in case her eyes catch something which the rider missed...u see gals normally dont trust guys blindly...if the neck is relaxed and head is swirling all over the world..then its a young lad checking out or i shud say making observations... they dont care where they fall!
Note: This theory adheres to the theory of relativity..so it might not hold good in all situations...there are non-male and non-female people arnd us,'mind it'!!
Coming back to traffic...Tata uncle has come up with a gr8 solution for zipping through jams and narrow roads...I wont go in details of describing the microscopic features of Nano...but one thing is for sure...the world is going nano (read small)...everything is shrinking...it all started with the global village concept where distances started shrinking..then came lawn mower which shrunk to an electric shaver...following this shrinking norm came internet, mobile phones, pamela anderson wardrobe, T20 cricket and now nano...god knows wats in store in future...Just hope that for some things the rule of "the bigger the better" holds good always!!
Till the next set of observations...Chao!
Friday, January 25, 2008
wife on mars
6:30 am , getting ready for a game of football, I switch on the TV and guess what i get to hear! Pictures of a naked woman taken on Mars. The first thing that struck my mind was that its another Vijaya Mallaya stunt to pump a new life in his annual swimsuit calender photoshoot! But soon I realised that F1 cars dont go to Mars neither does Kingfisher...though its a different story that u feel like being on a mission to Mars inside a Deccan flight, where factors like g force( g stands for gravity;not gals), water-tight seats and the fellow astronauts play a crucial role!
Listening further to the news, I was wondering if its one of the woman liberation activists who has gone miles just to prove that women are always ahead of men...If man can land on moon then woman can sun bathe on mars! Armstrong's famous lines echoed in my head "That's one small step for man; one giant leap for mankind." But he never knew that his giant leap for mankind will be overtaken so soon...where a comrade from "womankind" will leap from earth to mars that too just for a better tan!
Riding my bike towards the ground, i was still thinking about this "mysterious gal"! As far as I remember the flight to mars has never been launched from India,so she is not a "runaway bride" aka Lola...who wud have ran all the way as no one asked her to stop..all she heard was run lola run.... hmmmmmm...since the first flight was sent by US, I hope this lady is not one of the exiled citizens of US...by the way it has been long since I heard about Monica Lewinsky...where is she??
I reached the ground..n the ball hitting my secured ares sparked the idea that how can anyone claim that the figure is a woman's....i kno many non-female men who have been "eve"-teased and that too to the teaser's embarassement...If the person over there is a man...then i m sure it Osama...full shaven...sitting cozy..enjoying life! Osama can do anything!
So this figure has sparked tonnes of questions...is it real or just an illusion...if real then is it a guy or a gal...one comic question that cropped up was "is she a virgin"...dont ask me who was inquisitive abt that! But i just pray that there is life on Mars and this person actually teaches us how to live there! So many problems will be resolved...we ll have another planet to hang around on...population wont be explosive any more....and to the best of my advantage...most of the IT companies will shift base to mars...bangalore will b a better place to live!
Just imagine...wat if the life is taking a full circle...watever happened on earth is happenning on mars too....The EVE has landed...soon Mr Adam will come...an apple tree will crop up from somewhere....followed by the snake....history will repeat itself...and after millions of years another software engineer on Mars will be sitting idle on a Friday afternoon writting a blog about life on Jupiter!!
by the way wat do u think that figure is?
Tuesday, December 25, 2007
Merry Christmas..infact.. MERA Christmas
I am celebrating christmas big time....let me tell u how!!
Last night i hung one of my sock in my almirah waiting for Santa to come in and drop some gift in it...but my bad luck went worse again....by mistake i hung a sock that I had been wearing for 7 days non stop...Dear Santa came on his reindeer...saw the sock...the moment he got close to it...he got a shot of local anaesthesia ...Santa fainted then n there!! Poor reindeer had to drag him back out of the town on the sledge..
God got angry...and instead of sending the Clause fame Santa...he sent Banta famed Santa...whose arm pits were stinking more than my sock ...he came to my room...shook me up..and gave me around 1200 files to analyse!! So here i m sitting in office.....celebrating my Christmas....
Jingle BAEL (ox) Jingle BAEL...jingle all the way!
Merry Christmas to u all !!
Last night i hung one of my sock in my almirah waiting for Santa to come in and drop some gift in it...but my bad luck went worse again....by mistake i hung a sock that I had been wearing for 7 days non stop...Dear Santa came on his reindeer...saw the sock...the moment he got close to it...he got a shot of local anaesthesia ...Santa fainted then n there!! Poor reindeer had to drag him back out of the town on the sledge..
God got angry...and instead of sending the Clause fame Santa...he sent Banta famed Santa...whose arm pits were stinking more than my sock ...he came to my room...shook me up..and gave me around 1200 files to analyse!! So here i m sitting in office.....celebrating my Christmas....
Jingle BAEL (ox) Jingle BAEL...jingle all the way!
Merry Christmas to u all !!
Wednesday, December 5, 2007
I ve got mail!!!
this one is going to b a simple one....and i might get shot/burried/assasinated/blasted..in short killed for this...so all those whom i owe money...my number is 9886770713
i got a mail from one of my closest friends, namyata pathak..name not changed for public interest..the mail goes like this..
When a GIRL is quiet ... millions of things are running in her mind.
When a GIRL is not arguing ... she is thinking deeply. When a GIRL
looks at u with eyes full of questions ... she is wondering how long
you will be around. When a GIRL answers " I'm fine " after a few
seconds ... she is not at all fine.
When a GIRL stares at you ... she is wondering why you are lying. When
a GIRL lays on your chest ... she is wishing for you to be hers
forever. When a GIRL wants to see you everyday... she wants to be
pampered. When a GIRL says " I love you " ... she means it. When a
GIRL says " I miss you " ... no one in this world can miss you more
than that.
Life only comes around once make sure u spend it with the right person
.... Find a guy ... who calls you beautiful instead of hot. who calls
you back when you hang up on him. who will stay awake just to watch
you sleep. Wait for the guy who ... kisses your forehead. Who wants to
show you off to the world when you are in your sweats. Who holds your
hand in front of his friends. Who is constantly reminding you of how
much he cares about you and how lucky he is to have you. Who turns to
his friends and says, " That's her!! "
So i m making an attempt to answer it in my words....after all in a democratic republic even i have a say for the fair-n-handsome sex!
so let me try to make a similar quote for guys....
When a guy is quiet ... he wants peace n silence so that he can take rest...so please shut up!
When a guy is not arguing ... he has given up on the gal n is testing his levels of patience!
When a guy looks at u with eyes full of questions ... he wants to ask you questions or he is hungry!
When a guy answers " I'm fine " atleast for that moment he is truely fine or his name is Fine.
When a guy stares at you ... he might be admiring you or you just fell in his range of sight!
When a guy lays on your chest ... you can't breathe!
When a guy wants to see you everyday... he wants to spend time with you or you owe him money!
When a guy says " I love you " ... he means.."i like you more than anyone else I like..can we stay together".
When a guy says "I miss you " ...he assumes/knows that only u can miss him more than how much he is missing you!
that's HIM
so guys are very simple....they show wat they mean!
actually mother nature and father god planned it very well....they made the creature with a little lighter brain, complex so that the simpler creature can understand the complex creature with less complexity....darwin's theory of smthng, may b balance!!
for world peace!
P.S. words speak louder than actions...pen is mightier than sword...keyboard is better than slap..so instead of waiting for the moment to slap me/ or support my thoughts...please post a comment!
i got a mail from one of my closest friends, namyata pathak..name not changed for public interest..the mail goes like this..
When a GIRL is quiet ... millions of things are running in her mind.
When a GIRL is not arguing ... she is thinking deeply. When a GIRL
looks at u with eyes full of questions ... she is wondering how long
you will be around. When a GIRL answers " I'm fine " after a few
seconds ... she is not at all fine.
When a GIRL stares at you ... she is wondering why you are lying. When
a GIRL lays on your chest ... she is wishing for you to be hers
forever. When a GIRL wants to see you everyday... she wants to be
pampered. When a GIRL says " I love you " ... she means it. When a
GIRL says " I miss you " ... no one in this world can miss you more
than that.
Life only comes around once make sure u spend it with the right person
.... Find a guy ... who calls you beautiful instead of hot. who calls
you back when you hang up on him. who will stay awake just to watch
you sleep. Wait for the guy who ... kisses your forehead. Who wants to
show you off to the world when you are in your sweats. Who holds your
hand in front of his friends. Who is constantly reminding you of how
much he cares about you and how lucky he is to have you. Who turns to
his friends and says, " That's her!! "
So i m making an attempt to answer it in my words....after all in a democratic republic even i have a say for the fair-n-handsome sex!
so let me try to make a similar quote for guys....
When a guy is quiet ... he wants peace n silence so that he can take rest...so please shut up!
When a guy is not arguing ... he has given up on the gal n is testing his levels of patience!
When a guy looks at u with eyes full of questions ... he wants to ask you questions or he is hungry!
When a guy answers " I'm fine " atleast for that moment he is truely fine or his name is Fine.
When a guy stares at you ... he might be admiring you or you just fell in his range of sight!
When a guy lays on your chest ... you can't breathe!
When a guy wants to see you everyday... he wants to spend time with you or you owe him money!
When a guy says " I love you " ... he means.."i like you more than anyone else I like..can we stay together".
When a guy says "I miss you " ...he assumes/knows that only u can miss him more than how much he is missing you!
that's HIM
so guys are very simple....they show wat they mean!
actually mother nature and father god planned it very well....they made the creature with a little lighter brain, complex so that the simpler creature can understand the complex creature with less complexity....darwin's theory of smthng, may b balance!!
for world peace!
P.S. words speak louder than actions...pen is mightier than sword...keyboard is better than slap..so instead of waiting for the moment to slap me/ or support my thoughts...please post a comment!
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