Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Please Mind The Gap: Delhi Metro

The day Delhi metro started, there have been events which have triggered my non-perverted, non-wild, non-biased imagination arnd these acts... It all started when I heard that ppl are getting fascinated abt that token & have started stealing them...I think many believed it has the mystical powers to unlock any door(khulja sim sim kinds)...a token that can even be used to make ISD calls from PCO booths ..or get milk from mother dairy vending machines, or even cows or even an ox directly...many might ve even believed it's a blessed coin and hence worshipped it during diwali (replacing the gold/silver goddess coin during recession)!! & how can one steal the coin..unless he does tailgating...oopss...risking ur future generations for a metro coin is not worth it guys!!

But some pondering in the crowded metro made me think that we shouldn't undermine the value of these tokens....the token has more than electronic connections attached...there are reasons ppl get sentimental about's like a could be a symbol of achievement where the guy stood for so long in the 'token-winning' queue that he forgot whether he was going to a place X or returning from cud be a mark of someone's manlihood which he recently discovered by fighting with ppl trying to break the could be a prize for a man's breath controlling skills where he had to stand right under the sweaty armpits of 3 men blocking supply of fresh O2 in an "ac-not-working" could even be a memory of someone's first crush, first job, first ride or even first metro fart..i say anything!!

I donot remember any such achievement which would ve triggered my guts to take the risk of stealing the token ...not becoz i don't stand in queues or don't believe in first(X), where X is a variable...but coz I use smart-ass card...u think i didn't use the right name..think again...why else do you think they named it "smart card" instead of "metro card" or "gandhi/dixit card"...
Besides the first(X),where X is again a variable..there are many not-at-all-irritating events which repeat everyday....has it happened to you that you enter the empty coach with the crowd and even before you could decide the best seat,all seats are taken..I m not saying it happens to me..i m a very quick thinker....don't tell me u don't believe me... I do manage to get a seat but why is it that always a fat ugly looking man parks his "below-belt" area right in front of my face with his paunch hanging inches above my forehead...I feel the way earth feels when it gets eclipsed by light, everything stands still...Immediate reaction is to look at his face & try to push him back with "yuckky-eyes" but even that view is blocked by his portable tea-table aka paunch..Never ever in my life I have seen a PYT arnd me in the train..I know a bunch of guys who play "hunt-the-beauty" game on their way to college...Each one of them stands apart to get into different coaches..then they find the best set of faces in the coach...rate the faces (both quality & quantity) over their network and soon the best rated coach becomes their hangout!! I m sure I m not even eligible for this game coz I ve never broken my duck ;)...Based on feedback on "hunt-the-beauty" game, I think metro should start making cryptic announcements abt coach ratings as well...
Talking of announcements many feel the funniest of them all is "please mind the gap"...which gap are u talking abt ma'am ;) I never thought abt this...this is a stolen one -- vidhya padhai kasam!!next time u hear this plz dnt smile...m not responsible for planting this thought!! ;)

I feel the funniest of the metro events was announcement of a separate coach for ladies...poor's like getting into a separate gossip room...let me not get started abt it ...i don't wanna get into sexist debates here but one thing always pricks me..why was the first coach chosen as ladies coach...why not the last or a differently coloured one?? is it to ensure that the driver can keep an eye on them ;) after all the poor driver ends up driving on the same track for 8 hrs continuously!!

Delhi metro travel has always been the most entertaining reality show for's kind of a stress reliever, especially when you start observing the patterns and anomalies in the same set of events!! M sure many of you would ve entertained yourself in more ways than one on the lifeline of Delhi!!

The most interesting part of travelling by Delhi metro is entering Rajiv Chowk during rush hours...Delhites know what I am talking's like entering a "human-hive"...there is a eerie buzz around u & "who-the-f*** cares crowd" show...perfect example of "symphony in disorder"...i feel it can be a perfect mock drill grnd for many events like "searching a lost kid in kumbh mela", "Weapons of Mass destruction like intensity of impact of X no. of mooli parathas ", "spot the celebrity", "dance india dance", "how not to pick pockets" "break the queue" etc!!

This train doesn't end here....doors will be left open...please mind the gap...Tadaa!

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

I love..

This is my first & as of now the last love-letter...

i love
i love ur thump when you jump with joy!
I love when you kiss my head, like I am your boy!!
i love ur whisper when you slide on wet grass,
i love when for you I dive and crash
my love
i love the way you swing in air
i love to see you fly so high
i love to listen you scream in my ear
i just wanna be with you; never say good-bye!!

i was forced to add this line bcoz most of you are thinking that its for a person!!

Thursday, July 9, 2009


Two sensational or rather path-breaking news have come within a week which have forced a weird thought in me...
First one is the withdrawal of section 377, legalizing marital relationship with a person of same sex, a.k.a gay relationships (no offense intended)
Second, Scientists being able to produce artificial sperms from stem cells.

So squeezing & blending these two news, the juicy thought that came out of the mixer was- are we heading towards an era where men will be a redundant entity!!!
With due respect to geniuses who will say that men are not required only to produce offspring, I am daring to imagine a world where "MAN" will become an endangered species!!

According to a survey conducted by Cosmo, if given a choice 76% women prefer to have a girl child & I guess rest dont want to have a child!! I have always wondered that despite having the ability to bitch about their best female friend, women still prefer a girl child; another woman in their lives..probably coz they are easier to handle or god knows why!!!!

Anyways...if you think of an earth where we have mostly women, roaming around in free space....hold ur imagination...dont imagine that u are the only man there!!!
There will be other men too but due to their rarity, they will be kept in special protected areas called "Him-alaya"!! Women will visit those places to show their female kids what "Men" were...

Or men will only be seen at construction, digging, mining sites..which require muscle power & the capability to work against all odds!! Thankfully the board "men at work" will not change!!

But the board saying "dont pee on this wall" or "look the donkey is peeing" will be seen roadside peeing will become an extinct art!!

Every building will have a new storey, called "He-storey" {read history} dedicated for men.

The viewership of cartoon serials ending with "man" will increase drastically....He-Man, Spider-Man, Super-Man, Hanu-Man, Poke-Man etc etc !!!

Usage of words like "co-ed", " rape", "MF" , "bastard", "eve-teasing" will fall drastically!!

Sales of whiskey & black rum will plummet whereas vodka and flavored bacardi will sell like roadside tea.
On the other hand the commodities like capstan, navy cut, wills, fair and handsome cream, viagra etc etc will go out of production!!

There will be no pockets in pants for handkerchieves & wallets, probably there will be no "fly" as well!!Belt might go out of fashion & waist will be all elastic!!

These things are still bearable....but take this...

Half of the world will be pink...and the other half "zingu"...{generally I hear such weird names of colours like beige, bottle-green, sea-green, sky-green, i m sure there will be a zingu-green too!!} I guess Rainbow itself will be re-defined to have more than 7 colours!!

Women will have all the authority in the world, the world will be neat & tidy that even pigs will find it difficult to survive, the birds will have to think twice before they "do the do" while flying....everything will be in place!!

Each building will have a huge, huge & huge compound for Parking...facilitating parking in any direction...probably the parking markers on the ground will no longer be rectangular...they will be circular!!

Each road, each street, each lane will have a direction pointer & milestone!!

Car accident will not be considered a crime..instead there will be allowances for road accidents in national budgets..but 80kmhr will be considered over-speeding!!

Toast-Master club will be renamed to Toast-Mistress and ladies would be encouraged to have lavish gossip sessions..

Every country's national food will be will sell like salt!!

The situation might worsen so much that even the words like "mail" & "many" will be replaced by "femail" & "womany"!! Even the quotations will be modified to suit of my favourite ones that will fade away is: "Behind every successful man, there is a woman"...Successful and man will never be supporting each other in a sentence!!

The book "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus" will have a second edition "Men were from Mars & Woman are on Earth"

In short, women will have the power to fulfill all their needs in their hands!!! :)

Last but not the least, I would definitely love to be one of those who will be "bred" in "Him-alaya"!! ;)

Phewww....what do you say will happen in such a world??? Despite imagining all this I know men will never be extinct...not only because they will force themselves out of rarity but also because the fairer sex will not let them run out of numbers!!
They need us almost as much as we need them....i think so!!

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Obama is a guinea pig!!

I feel that the hype and hoopla being created around Mr. President, is a mist created to cover the ground realities. Mr. President falls under several categories which make him vulnerable to be a guinea for the vested interests of many.
1) His timing; Everything around is going wrong, economy is crumbling, frauds are unearthing, people are going jobless, USA's war decisions are being proven wrong and criminal, nobody has a clue what is going to happen and how its going to be back to normal. In this grim situation comes a man who will fix everything and bring smile to everyone's face..No i m not talking about Santa (not even the Santa of Santa Banta fame), I am talking about Mr Obama. He is the superman, he can do everything, everything that's beyond human capabilities like race against time. He will heal the economic wounds much before they would normally heal, his midas touch will bring the glory of gold back in the sunlight.....Isnt this what is being projected??
Basically, its a human behaviour...whenever we get into trouble, we look for support and a shoulder..or probably a garbage bin where we can dump all our problems & pains and then watch from a distance.Mr. President has been made to bear the load of the world, and he will have to rise above his human capabilities to fix things within time. Otherwise,two things will happen; the problems will get resolved with time OR the problem will stay for some more time and then get resolved :)

2) His abilities/inabilities; He is a black and a born-muslim. So people are using those characteristics as a selling point as well. To showcase how he has risen from nowhere and then using it as his USP. I dont doubt his days of struggle but are they big enough to make him bear the load of the world?

3) American attitude; I have noticed that since Americans are elite pampered kids of the world, for them even a small fart is a HUGE bang. Everybody starts talking about it, everybody starts getting scared and running around, everybody is concerned....its like...ohh my god, he is eating with unwashed hands...he can die of jaundice, please donate for his hospitalisation!
So even though the world crisis is humungous, it can be solved by doing work and not creating havoc!! On a similar note, before Obama several president's have taken oath, then what is it that is so big about him that you can make him a superhero even before he has done anything

I think Obama is just a name being used to sell things, being used to dump the work on, being used to give a name to a guinea pig!

....welcome onboard Mr. President. Please prove me wrong, i will be more than happy!

Wednesday, December 24, 2008


I think the following statement is one of the biggest irony of literary world...

What's there in a name.....

-William Shakespeare

Sunday, November 30, 2008

My thoughts

Among the million views and suggestions floating around, this might be just another solution to the present "terror-struck" india's problems but I think its worth a try. What do you guys/gals say about it??

Terror strikes in India is not a new problem and I think we will always be aimed at because of the face we show to the world. We are a bunch of confused lot...billions of leaves flowing down a stream, no one knows what and where its heading and what to do when the next waterfall comes!

In this situation, I think the most generic solution to India's defence related problems is building a more disciplined and responsible India. Indians, as we all, are busy blaming government, intelligence, politicians, terrorists etc etc for the latest terror strikes in India. We believe that building a stronger intelligence network will help us fight against terrorists, having a proactive-less corrupt government will help us take bolder steps. But if you look at all major terror strikes, each attack has been innovatively different from the previous one. We all know that destroying anything is far easier than protecting it and when it comes to a huge country like India, there are million gaps from where the attackers can crawl in. How many crevasses will you gaurd??? No matter how alert we are, there will always be one guy who will help the guys on the other side in their motives and they will outsmart us!!Playing the role of a normal Indian, we are blaming government for intelligence failure, army for not protecting us and terrorists for targetting us...but what are we doing to ensure it doesnt happen again!!

I stronly feel that besides beefing up our current system, we should always be prepared for anything. We can follow the footsteps of Israel and let each and every Indian attend at least one year of military training. This training should teach us "crisis-management", should aim at making us mentally tougher and be more disciplined, should aim at teaching basic first-aid and do's and dont's. The military training though will steal one year from every one's career but that can be compensated by making changes to the education system or by including this training in education system etc etc. To begin with we can make the training voluntary and see the results and later make it mandatory.
@ Mr. Arjun Singh- Quota can be raised for such trained proffessionals.

Getting a military training will have multiple benefits. First of all we'll be mentally tough and more prepared for any kind of mishap. We will learn to be more responsible, responsible for everything from throwing a polythene bag on the road to casting a vote! We will be more disciplined, disciplined enough to drive in lane and not to jump lines! Basically India will be better than what it is today....a floor full of spilled beans!!
Just imagine how many of our dear friends who lost their lives in this mishap could have saved their as well as other lives if they had a better sense of "crisis-management". With due respect to the ones who lost their lives, I would like to quote an example. Many of the people on the 6th floor of Taj, lost their lives bcoz their rooms were set on fire and they were waiting for the fire-engines. You can easily recollect their pictures-standing at window and waving to people outside, calling for help!! Was it not possible for them to climb down the building through the windows using their curtains and bed-sheets. Some people did that and they are alive. Basically, when a mishap takes place, most of us panic and this training will do nothing but teach us how to maintain our calm and think for the best solution. Also when the guys on the other side know that we are more prepared for them, they will have to think twice before turning their eyes on our field.

I also think that this training might make many of us more disciplined and responsible in life which will indirectly solve many other problems like pollution, corruption and "feeling of indifference"!!

Currently India and we Indians are seen as sitting ducks, anybody comes and knocks us down! Not only external agents but the internal agencies also do the same, where lawmakers play with law, politicians and public servants play with public and we we are just indifferent to everything. "Sab chalta hai, atleast I am not getting directly affected!!" is an Indian personality trait. I think the only way we can improve is to imbibe discipline at the very grass-root level.

Last but not the least, if we groom our fighting spirit, even if we won't succeed in struggles or fights in our day to day life, at least we'll ensure that we don't go down without a fight!!

I feel that its easier said than done but its worth a try!! One or few of us can't make the difference which India needs, instead a radical change is important!