Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Please Mind The Gap: Delhi Metro

The day Delhi metro started, there have been events which have triggered my non-perverted, non-wild, non-biased imagination arnd these acts... It all started when I heard that ppl are getting fascinated abt that token & have started stealing them...I think many believed it has the mystical powers to unlock any door(khulja sim sim kinds)...a token that can even be used to make ISD calls from PCO booths ..or get milk from mother dairy vending machines, or even cows or even an ox directly...many might ve even believed it's a blessed coin and hence worshipped it during diwali (replacing the gold/silver goddess coin during recession)!! & how can one steal the coin..unless he does tailgating...oopss...risking ur future generations for a metro coin is not worth it guys!!

But some pondering in the crowded metro made me think that we shouldn't undermine the value of these tokens....the token has more than electronic connections attached...there are reasons ppl get sentimental about's like a could be a symbol of achievement where the guy stood for so long in the 'token-winning' queue that he forgot whether he was going to a place X or returning from cud be a mark of someone's manlihood which he recently discovered by fighting with ppl trying to break the could be a prize for a man's breath controlling skills where he had to stand right under the sweaty armpits of 3 men blocking supply of fresh O2 in an "ac-not-working" could even be a memory of someone's first crush, first job, first ride or even first metro fart..i say anything!!

I donot remember any such achievement which would ve triggered my guts to take the risk of stealing the token ...not becoz i don't stand in queues or don't believe in first(X), where X is a variable...but coz I use smart-ass card...u think i didn't use the right name..think again...why else do you think they named it "smart card" instead of "metro card" or "gandhi/dixit card"...
Besides the first(X),where X is again a variable..there are many not-at-all-irritating events which repeat everyday....has it happened to you that you enter the empty coach with the crowd and even before you could decide the best seat,all seats are taken..I m not saying it happens to me..i m a very quick thinker....don't tell me u don't believe me... I do manage to get a seat but why is it that always a fat ugly looking man parks his "below-belt" area right in front of my face with his paunch hanging inches above my forehead...I feel the way earth feels when it gets eclipsed by light, everything stands still...Immediate reaction is to look at his face & try to push him back with "yuckky-eyes" but even that view is blocked by his portable tea-table aka paunch..Never ever in my life I have seen a PYT arnd me in the train..I know a bunch of guys who play "hunt-the-beauty" game on their way to college...Each one of them stands apart to get into different coaches..then they find the best set of faces in the coach...rate the faces (both quality & quantity) over their network and soon the best rated coach becomes their hangout!! I m sure I m not even eligible for this game coz I ve never broken my duck ;)...Based on feedback on "hunt-the-beauty" game, I think metro should start making cryptic announcements abt coach ratings as well...
Talking of announcements many feel the funniest of them all is "please mind the gap"...which gap are u talking abt ma'am ;) I never thought abt this...this is a stolen one -- vidhya padhai kasam!!next time u hear this plz dnt smile...m not responsible for planting this thought!! ;)

I feel the funniest of the metro events was announcement of a separate coach for ladies...poor's like getting into a separate gossip room...let me not get started abt it ...i don't wanna get into sexist debates here but one thing always pricks me..why was the first coach chosen as ladies coach...why not the last or a differently coloured one?? is it to ensure that the driver can keep an eye on them ;) after all the poor driver ends up driving on the same track for 8 hrs continuously!!

Delhi metro travel has always been the most entertaining reality show for's kind of a stress reliever, especially when you start observing the patterns and anomalies in the same set of events!! M sure many of you would ve entertained yourself in more ways than one on the lifeline of Delhi!!

The most interesting part of travelling by Delhi metro is entering Rajiv Chowk during rush hours...Delhites know what I am talking's like entering a "human-hive"...there is a eerie buzz around u & "who-the-f*** cares crowd" show...perfect example of "symphony in disorder"...i feel it can be a perfect mock drill grnd for many events like "searching a lost kid in kumbh mela", "Weapons of Mass destruction like intensity of impact of X no. of mooli parathas ", "spot the celebrity", "dance india dance", "how not to pick pockets" "break the queue" etc!!

This train doesn't end here....doors will be left open...please mind the gap...Tadaa!