Monday, September 24, 2007

Wat to name this as ...

Before i start this writeup...i wud like to state that i m not the first one to call Shakespeare a moron and hence i shud not be sued for it! I am just one of the many who proudly denounce his highly talked about proverbs. Today I am gonnna attack his famous saying, "what's in a name" which i think is one of the dumbest statements ever made...Had he been alive i wud have loved to address him as Shiekh Spear or Shake spear or Ramu or Chameli or ZXDERF and would have waited for his reaction! I wonder if he would have even remotely felt related to those nouns.

Actually it all started on Friday evening. Celly pings me to chalk out a plan for dinner and as usual, the more than happy side of me asks, where?? Incomes the reply, Oye Amritsar! Now going with the marshallish repo of my dear frnd celly, I thought she was mocking at me and was asking me to go to Amritsar for dinner, which I thought was her home town :) So I neglected the statement and again asked,"seriously where"! She again said, "oye amritsar"! Hmmm so then it struck me that there could b a place tagged "oye amritsar"..and to confirm it I asked where is it!! She told me the directions and I just smiled at my foolishness.. More than half of my brain was mocking at the person who named the restaurant so rudely but the remaining part of it was being humble and telling me that "whats in a name".. I reached the discourteous court and while my body was busy eating, my head was still echoing with Shakespearez words! Then came the boss, my frnd Rishi's boss with his kid in arms, held cosily. the boss and kid were all smiles on seeing Rishi with a gorgeous gal and walked upto him! Rishi (name changed, not to avoid hurting him..but coz therez nothing in the name u c) , gets up and shakes hands firmly with the boss..and as a sign of courtesy pinches or koochi-kooes the kids cheeks and said..."hello piyush"...Though i didnt hear a lightening but the boss's face was struck with one! He pivoted around, pulling the kid away and a baritone echoed out of his mouth..."its not Piyush, its Pratyush"!! Man-o-man...I was rolling on the table laughing and so was Celly!! While my present tense was busy laughing my past tense was still conflicting over ..wats in a name!! And this incident proved that therez a lot in the name..

Just imagine are born a gal and your parents have christened you bubbloo! You would have been doomed for life and beyond your imagination you would have faced a million problems...teachers would have made you stand up million times for giving proxy attendance for your fictitious best frnd...your credentials filled in any questionaire would have been checked twice to make sure that you have ticked the right box for the section "sex" and have not mistaken the noun "sex" as verb "sex" and ticked the F letter :)...many a guys would have refused to go arnd with u just to prov that they are straight...and as we all kno that gals get undue advantage when teachers give them marks, u wud have been deprived of those!! god knows wat all wud have got messed up in ur life!

OK...we talked abt the gender touch in the name..but wat if ur name is totally absurd...just imagine that u were baptised as something u jst cant relate to...some parents do that coz they are very passionate abt sm things and they want their kids to b living symbols of their passions!christiano ronaldo was named after brazilian ronaldo, i guess so, but its ok but imagine smthng like this...
a wild life conservationist names his kid, zebra...all throughout his life poor kid will b mistaken to b an offspring of a black man and a white woman!! or a car maniac names his kid Ferrari, all throughout his/her life people will keep looking for the silencer and horny side in him/her! or just imagine a numerology guy names his child DSCRFT coz those alphabets add upto make his lucky number, I dnt think i have to tell the problem that will crop up after naming ur kid DSCRFT!

So Dear respected Shakespeare, there is a lot in the name... I think most of us would like to second me on that...and those who dont agree...plz go and check what was Shakespeare's offspring's name! I am sure it wud have been Helmet..after his famous play Hamlet!!

Wednesday, September 19, 2007

Hungry India

It all starts with a smile and doesnt end even after you have run miles. First Let me quote wat has happend to me... yesterday my frndz parents visited her in bangalore and invited us for dinner at her home!! time....time to celebrate ...and hence TIME TO HOG!! We went to her house...and we ate like pigs...from rajma chawal to sweeets to wat not....and when our bellies were protruding enough to give our tea table a competition we slept....guess wat happened in morning today... This overeating lead to a series of chain reactions leading to gas formation and now i m less of a burden on earth..coz i m floating like a gas balloon!! i m feeling like an Appy Fizz now!!

why does this this only we indians who love to celebrate things by overeating or is it very human!! be it any festival or celebration time...the first thing that we have to do is to arrange for an eatable for the occassion! infact festivals are directly related to dishes...kheel-batashe for diwali, ghujia for holi, rasgulle for rakhi, cakes for christmas, sewiyan for id etc etc etc...and bloody all of them are sweet!! i have heard abt having a sweet tooth but i think we indians are born with a sweet jaw...very very sweet...may b thats why gals think that indians kiss better than italians ;)

jokes apart...there is a serious fact that i read couple of months we all kno that humans will put on fat if they overeat without ample exercise...but the body part that will become the fat store varies with the genes...latin/europeans put on fat in legs...russians put on fat on shoulders..and we blessed indians put it on our tummy!! we are so blessed...

so why do we do this to our bodies and arent there any better ways of expressing love??? u go home and if u tend to control ur intake ur mom taunts at u saying that u dnt like home food or wat?? then offering/forcing second or multiple serving is a mandatory rule!! i m sure everyone wud have gulped down food under the pressure of host's blackmails or continuous persuasions!!
there are many other instances where we try to prove that we live to eat and not eat to live...i m doing nothing, i m getting bored..wat to do?? ok lets eat something!!!ohh india vs pakistan match....lets get something to nibble while i m watching!! i have a fast let me eat a lot today! infact i kno ppl who eat to avoid depression...Adnan Sami is one of them and dnt be shocked...i really kno him,thats a different issue that he doesnt kno me!!

ok...enough of eating cribs...the major problem is that we dnt exercise..we dnt workout as much as we eat...infact indian eating habits are in a big time mess....
aaloo paratha has to go with butter.....butter panner, butter chicken, lassi, rice items, chhole god....all are deadly dishes...and once we hog..we hardly bother to atleast burn the unwanted stuff!!

when did u last see a huge dustbin?? i m sure pretty recently..the picture wont b too hazy...a huge plastic box...totally packed with all kind of eating stuff..bulging out from all sides...waiting to burst open...stinking as well!! dnt u think our bodies are not very far from it...analogously???

after giving all this gyaan..i just pray that i had a cap like appy fizz..which i cud ve opened and wud have let all the FIZZ in me to go away!!

Thursday, September 13, 2007

Damn Me!!

This is to inform you all that the writer is suffering from sporadic amnesia and hence keeps forgetting the topics on which he has decided to write
hereon he ll post in this "post" all those topics which will b exploited on this blog:

1) Hungry India!!
2) Quadruple!!
3) Whats in a name!

These topics of writing strike me while i have my eyes i dnt think just the topic will help u understand the story behind it!!but still kindly dnt indulge in plagiarism or any act of intellectual property stealing, else u ll have a bad tim!!

Saturday, September 1, 2007


Adding to the literature crap present in this world: aSHISH nAINWAL

The phone rang!!!!!
That was nothing new for Tani but still she ran towards it as if she has been expecting it. The world was silent enough to make her heart beats echo. Was she mesmerized by the phone or was she afraid…afraid, no it wasn’t the fear of failure but because she didn’t want anybody else to be on the phone except him, the fear of disappointment.
Tani attend the call came the words and brought her out off the spell. Sucking in more than half the air present in the room she moved her hand towards the receiver. In came the voice
The reply was a moment of silence. What Tani could hear was the phone cable swinging. Her throat got choked and her whole life shrinked into few moments… moments which have made her life a story worth reading or for me, worth writing.

First time in India
The breathtaking ride of ANACONDA
Only at Vessel World, Only on 28th August

When Tani read these lines, she thought that there couldn’t be a better place to go out with her childhood friend Varun but who knew what’s in store. Airtel came to aid (express yourself), outcame the cellphone and even before Varun could blink his eyes he was convinced for a weekend expedition to this ride. Though the weekend was only two days away yet it seemed an year away for the adventure freak Tani. Her dreams, her meals, her dance classes and even her bathroom singing had the touch of “ANACONDA”.
Came the weekend and the cell beeps and so does the door bell…Varun’s sms.
Tani v r frnz 4 more dan 15 yrs n I hope u undrstand me.Ruchi hs askd me to accompny her for her trip to Dubai.I have been dying for dis moment 4 last 1 mnth.I cnt miss I wont ruin ur plans.1 of my BEST frns is coming to accompany u.He is a very decent fellow.plz oblige me.i kno u r a chweet gal.plz!!
With her eyes glued to the 6600z screen she was walking towards the door. The screen showed
and Tani’s face showed that it was a prank by Varun. She confidently opened the hostel door to find an alien structure outside the door. The alien was rather another earthling who was sharing space on this planet with Tani for around 20 years and she was very very naturally unaware of that.
Hi, my name is Ramik, Varun’s friend… this …ok...i guess you are Tani..
The baritone entered Tani’s ears and dissolved all the questions in her mind. She was sure Varun is not coming, she was sure he has spoiled her weekend, she was sure that standing in front of her was another loser who is in for a blind date and finally she was sure that Varun has to soon visit a doctor. The chweet Tani went into slumber and outcame the lioness. Stretching her both hands out she blocked the door and hence showed zero interest in going out with this not so bad looking guy.
Ya I got the sms but sorry Ramik I can’t go out with you. I might be sounding too blunt to you right now but you see how can Varun even imagine that I can go out with a stranger.

EXACTLY…That is what even I was trying to make him understand but he wasn’t ready to listen and now you see I am in this embarrassing situation.

Was it the husky voice or his decency that put this thought in Tani’s mind. “if Varun is not concerned about me, why should I let my weekend go down the drain for him”.
The earthling took two steps backward and turned around to leave…
Stop…. I hope you are free today…

Before he could mutter anything…

Its not a bad option going out with you…but please don’t expect anything from me after today...i don’t know you. And dare not ask me for my cell number… she smiled. He died.

The command in the sweet voice was good enough to make even a beast shiver for once.

Why don’t you come in and have something. In the meanwhile I will get ready…its too hot today… I ll wear something white…u just sit and watch tv…i ll be back in 5 minutes.

Dumbstruck or awestruck, Ramik looked at the watch but couldn’t see the time. He was under the shock of meeting THE Jhansi Ki Rani (JKR).
Famous in his college as the best debater and a brilliant student of psychology, his notion that he could handle any female of this planet was shattered.
While he was still under the process of self motivation, the smell of something, he thought it was a flower, shook his senses. He turned around and who was she. She can’t b JKR…but she was. Setting his spectacles right he said

Ya let’s go...are you sure we will get entry passes easily…

Ya Varun booked them yesterday they are…ohh...i ll check in my wallet..

Check in your pockets….

No they aren’t there…I guess I have forgotten them at my place only…

I will go and fetch won’t take long…please bear with me...i am really sorry...i will go by my bike and will be back in two minutes or max ten see I am such a....

Ok ok relax…its ok…I will come along…we will go to your place, if it’s not a problem...take the tickets and will leave from there…

Ya that’s fine...come we will rush…

Ya I love bike rides…hope you drive well…or else I will drive and you be the pillion…

Only one thought flashed in Ramik’s mind “what the **** , what does she think she is. SHE is DEAD”.

No it’ll be better if I concentrate on the road and YOU just enjoy the ride…I don’t give my Karizma to anyone...especially never gals

For the first time Ramik retaliated and was she impressed or taken aback, even she didn’t know.

So even you have opinions…good!!!

You just sit back and hold me tight…you are in for a ride of your life.

Tani didn’t know that the guy she was talking to is one of the best drag race biker around and he holds respect in the eyes of some of the best bikers in the town. Speed has replaced blood in his aorta and stunts are his best friends on whom he has always relied.
Tani realized that the bike was flying even before she could realize that it has started. Traffic is a problem in Bangalore…who says so???? Atleast not on this mean machine with this man handling it…sharp turns…red lights…stoppages...all seemed to be a thing of past. Cars have two tyres, too many….The bike was flying and the life was moving for Tani…and the THUD!!!
She opened her eyes and what she could hear was a long screech and Ramik moaning.

She pressed her ears as hard as she could…but the silence in I.C.U. pierced through her hands and made her realize that she is in a hospital. What she could see was a packet full of blood, a glucose bag and the digital clock.
TIME : 2 : 30 a.m.
DATE : 15 / 09/05

She turned her head to see if anybody was around and again her head towards the clock. Is the date right?? Today it’s got to be 29th August. In the dark corridor, which was barely visible in the dim light of bulbs, she saw a figure coming towards her. In one hand holding a coffee mug and in the other a thermos, he was following his shadow. Soon she realized he is Ramik but what has happened to him? She was happy to see him there but also bit apprehensive about how she should react. In a flash of idea she decided to be normal…
Through the glass door he saw her sitting and banged the door open.
He had grown leaner and his eyes were all black……she has grown plump and her face had those stitches marks.
His shoulders drooped and he was looking at his belt when the baritone came:

I am sorry Tani

On his leather shoe she saw a drop, was that tear or sweat….but the a.c. was working fine.
Its only because of my insanity you are in this situation. I shouldn’t have put your life at risk to satisfy my ego. I have driven rashly before as well but have never failed and due to this overconfidence of mine I did that blunder. I….

Tani realized that his shoes were getting wet with each passing moment and with each word being spoken. To handle the situation she thought of interrupting. Before she could say something…

Let me speak Tani…you have been in bed for 18 days and I have spent each day
repenting. I haven’t slept well, haven’t had food, haven’t studied and haven’t touched my
bike since then. what I was waiting for ..rather praying for was your well being . i was
waiting to make this confession since my last life. I haven’t lived for these 18 days Tani…
I am sorry..

He fell on his knees… crying… crying .. and crying more…as if he has never cried before and has a flood of
tears in him.

After an year or may be a minute he raised his eyes to see what Tani was doing…and to
his surprise what was she doing, he couldn’t make???? Her lips were moving, eyes wide
open, hands moving violently and tears flowing down her eyes….
Was she trying to speak????
Ramik was half dead and what to do next…he shouted.
In came the nurse…then her parents and finally after them the doctor. All
shocked to find Tani in that situation.
Few tests have to be conducted immediately, nurse bring the notepad, and ask the
laboratory and operation theatre people to get ready.

What has happened to my daughter?? Will she be alright??
Please doctor tell me what has happened..

While Tani’s parents were talking to the doctor there was a figure in the room that was
standing only to see everything go right. He didn’t have the courage even to interrupt her
parents, he has already made them suffer a lot and there was only one thought in his mind
“god why only me”

what have you done to our daughter, you just pray that she gets fine or else you are
ruined. I m not going to spare you….SLAP!!!

The slap was tight enough to disturb the guard at the main entrance…but Ramik didn’t
hear that..nor did he knew what was happening…was he breathing???
Yes he was.
The doctor came to his rescue
Mr. Goel leave the child….i think the vocal chord
replacement has to be done…it’s a new technique and I am sure it will work for her.

What has to be done for that, doctor tell me fast

Actually her vocal chord has been damaged and somebody who has the same cell
structure as hers has to donate a part of the vocal chord. But…there is a problem…

Now what problem??? spoke Ramik

She won’t be able to speak that will require a lot of practice…and the person
who donates her the part will also start stuttering.

I ‘ll donate it….
The line came in a chorus, three people recititng it…mom,dad and him.

Let’s see whose cell structure matches….i ll have to scalp a part of your skin from your
thigh….kindly go to the laboratory with the nurse.

The operation started..all three of them standing impatiently outside the O.T. , their eyes glued to the red bulb and mind dead. Doctor claimed that it’s only one hour of operation and a week of recovery time to see if the operation is successful or ….

Each day was as heavy as each breath. A week was over and he got up at 4.30 a.m. …got up????…. Did he sleep??
With Mr. and Mrs. Goel he entered the I.C.U. For one week doctors have kept them away from her so that she doesn’t strain her stitches. Also they have been giving her a speech therapy and the signs were positive.

Dddad, mmmo om!!!

Oh my daughter thank god you are all right…thank god thank god…

All eyes were wet in the ward…except one pair. They have run out of their stock of tears…it seemed the lachrymal glands have died, emotions had only one meaning: sorrow and feeling can only be defined as pain.

She was clinging tightly to her parents and over their shoulder she saw that ‘earthly’ figure but this time more distorted than ever.

She got rid of the grip of her parents…took a deep breath and asked…

Hhho ow aar yu??

No reply came…

Stt ill rerepentiting?? It wawas m m my fa fau fault e equal ly. I I m sosory t too.

The already wet eyes off her got more wet…be it tears of joy or pain. But that figure who was leaning against his own burden was still mute…All eyes were focused on him when the doctor walked up to him

Come on buddy..alls well now!! Say hi to her

Nnno a a all i is n no not t wewel yeyet...i i hav tataken her vovoice….

The pearl dropped from his eye and a splash could be heard in the ward. She was mute and he was dumb. The silence of the room said it all. Her father got up and stepped towards him. Her mother afraid held his hand…

Forget it, spare the child now!!!

Ramik stood there firmly. With his brain already dead, no physical pain can move him now and how will you spell fear for him. He was numb. Mr.Goel hugged him tightly

You have made up for your mistake!!!

Nonott y y yeyet sir, I I ll mm make hher ppraccti….

Irritated with his inability Ramik snatched the notepad from nurse’s hand and wrote

I ll make her practice daily….i ll come to your house daily…and if someday I fail to come,I ll call her up…but in two months I ll make her speak quite normally…you might be thinking that I am getting selfish as this will help me get back on track too but please tell me how can I assure you of my selflessness…I am really sorry uncle and aunty…if she doesn’t get well and I don’t contact her even for one day...just assume I am dead…I m leaving now and wont be able to come tomorrow…but I ll make a call…

The paper got wet and the words were hardly visible but the feelings were pouring out of that piece of paper.
She snatched the paper and saw him leaving.

The sunshine was piercing through the glass windows and lighting up the corridor as bright as ever. But for few, today it was more brighter, more warmer and the figure leading his shadow in it was more confident, more alive and last but not the least rather first but not the best mmmore ssttaam stammering!!!!!!!!!