Thursday, July 10, 2008

Man Watching

Hello fellow Indian Men,

Now this one is going to be a bit nasty and might hurt u as much as it hurts when u get hit at ur 'manlihood meter' but let me mention before I start..I am proud to be an Indian and happily belong to the clan of Indian men...Have u ever made an attempt to stretch ur observation powers a little beyond Chicks and observe each other...I am not talking abt swinging to the other side of the gender, instead its just a courteous attempt to throw some light upon US, the Indian Men...
To cut the ribbon: you all might have heard a lot about the B triangle (aka bermuda triangle), let me introduce you to the H triangle, which engulfs us, the Indians...the three H that define most of us are..Hair, Hygiene and Habits...

H-One:
All Indian men, have miles of hair on them..according to a survey, whose results are subject to change without any intimation, number of hair on Indian men is equal to the number of rice grains india produces every year..Now many men consider it to be a sign of manlihood and others hate them like weed in their kitchen garden...personally I can go on and on and on about this "Hairy-Fairy Tale"..but let me press the breaks by quoting Russell Peters, "God played a cruel joke on Indian men, he put them in some of the hottest parts of the world with forests of hair on them...Then he said..Go enjoy!!"

H-Two:
Lets not talk about hygiene...we might end up getting in such corners of your house or body parts which might lead to the phenomenon called "mass puking"...just a friendly advice...lets take bath regularly,atleast everyday!!

H-Three:
Habits...hmmm..wat to say..Our habits make us stand above any league of ordinary or even extraordinary Men..One of the most common habits of most of us is scratching..be it scratching head, chest, waist, neck, cheek,nose or...!! all of us have a favourite body part where we start scratching when we are doing nothing...You see, we cant sit idle..Just observe it once, and you will end up laughing in many situations...let me quote an example without the due permission of my dear friend...He has this "subconscious scratching" habit and his fav part is a little below naval..though not very unhygienically below...The other day he met a gal who was in his school after couple of years..standing on the road, leaning on the street light pole, his subconscious took over him and while his hands were busy,he delivered the dialogue..."Has been years since we met, wanna come home!!"..Imagine the rest!!

Going topless is one of the rituals which most of us love...be it the pandit in temple who is uncovered above waist or the lesser-men endorsing the national uniform aka baniyan (undershirt)...and if we wear shirts, we keep the top one or two buttons open to stick to our culture! We see no shame in showing off our manly chests!

Another habit of 'the' US is the "street-lion" behaviour..No matter how much humble or may be meak we are, most of us forget the spellings of humility when we realise that we are standing in an area which is closer to our home...I am talking about all those dudes who stand at the shops at the corner of streets sometimes eve-teasing, ..or all those kings who feel the imaginary air of "his-highness" while walking down their residential street with their chest puffed up and eyes searching for the north pole star believing that all gals are checking them out...or studs who ride bikes like stunt men near their homes...This "kingism" is backed by the assurance that we are close to our house and we have enough "backing" available, incase we get into any trouble! You will find most of these lions roaming in herds..pumping each other to do something which is not being allowed...e.g. the dj tells to lionA, u cant dance..lionA comes to lionB and lionC and informs them that their request is being turned down..lionB and lionC get up and say "Come, lets see how that a**hole is not letting us dance"..they go to the dance floor and push the lionA in the front to do most of the talking,while they stand behind supporting him morally :) isnt that a common site we can relate to!!

The list doesnt end here..and I hope most of us will take these Hz sportingly!! Some of the other observations include,
letching..where almost every Indian man tries it atleast more than n times to tease or oggle at the females with "those" eyes..As commented by many gals "Such deprived souls we are"!!
public-service...using roads and streets as personal comodes and wash-basins is our birth right..No matter how educated or facilitated we are, there is no fun like indulging in public service!
hugging, holding hand and kissing fellow men..these might b the ways of showing affection but once in a blue moon they are fine..not for every 'white' or 'no moon' reason!!

After reading this most of us might believe that these observations are not restricted to only India but are worse in other parts of the planet and not all the things mentioned belong to everyone...but in one way or the other most of us can relate to more than one of the things mentioned here!

Last words :- I am still straight and will stay unto D day...Observing fellow men, was just like window shopping or bird watching or star gazing...I still love indulging in some of these "Indian-men" acts and will always be a proud Indian coz no matter what happens or wat we do "we Indians gave world "The Kamasutra" and we can still screw the world in more number of ways than they can imagine!!- Papa C J"

3 comments:

Smokin Joe said...

Hahah.. par how did u come up with something like this? And more imp why? ;-)
And now that u have.. how about sending the three H to Nikhil taneja.. ;-) We have the power of the press remember ;-)

aastha said...

superb!!i agree with two "H" i.e hair n habit but tell me one thing as far hygiene with respect to bathing "everyday" is concerned, i feel dats a necessity...do u knw anyone who doesnt bath any single day?? i dont think dat really happens..haina :)

Tanushree Purohit said...

hmmm...well thought(dat 2 deeply) n well written.
actually mein few habits of men make u feel YUCK!!!
i think most of the gals wud agree 2 this...??