Rocky Pebble n Torres

Please Mind The Gap: Delhi Metro

The day Delhi metro started, there have been events which have triggered my non-perverted, non-wild, non-biased imagination arnd these acts... It all started when I heard that ppl are getting fascinated abt that token & have started stealing them...I think many believed it has the mystical powers to unlock any door(khulja sim sim kinds)...a token that can even be used to make ISD calls from PCO booths ..or get milk from mother dairy vending machines, or even cows or even an ox directly...many might ve even believed it's a blessed coin and hence worshipped it during diwali (replacing the gold/silver goddess coin during recession)!! & how can one steal the coin..unless he does tailgating...oopss...risking ur future generations for a metro coin is not worth it guys!!

But some pondering in the crowded metro made me think that we shouldn't undermine the value of these tokens....the token has more than electronic connections attached...there are reasons ppl get sentimental about them...it's like a memoir...it could be a symbol of achievement where the guy stood for so long in the 'token-winning' queue that he forgot whether he was going to a place X or returning from it...it cud be a mark of someone's manlihood which he recently discovered by fighting with ppl trying to break the queue...it could be a prize for a man's breath controlling skills where he had to stand right under the sweaty armpits of 3 men blocking supply of fresh O2 in an "ac-not-working" coach...it could even be a memory of someone's first crush, first job, first ride or even first metro fart..i say anything!!

I donot remember any such achievement which would ve triggered my guts to take the risk of stealing the token ...not becoz i don't stand in queues or don't believe in first(X), where X is a variable...but coz I use smart-ass card...u think i didn't use the right name..think again...why else do you think they named it "smart card" instead of "metro card" or "gandhi/dixit card"...

Besides the first(X),where X is again a variable..there are many not-at-all-irritating events which repeat everyday....has it happened to you that you enter the empty coach with the crowd and even before you could decide the best seat,all seats are taken..I m not saying it happens to me..i m a very quick thinker....don't tell me u don't believe me... I do manage to get a seat but why is it that always a fat ugly looking man parks his "below-belt" area right in front of my face with his paunch hanging inches above my forehead...I feel the way earth feels when it gets eclipsed by Sun...no light, everything stands still...Immediate reaction is to look at his face & try to push him back with "yuckky-eyes" but even that view is blocked by his portable tea-table aka paunch..Never ever in my life I have seen a PYT arnd me in the train..I know a bunch of guys who play "hunt-the-beauty" game on their way to college...Each one of them stands apart to get into different coaches..then they find the best set of faces in the coach...rate the faces (both quality & quantity) over their network and soon the best rated coach becomes their hangout!! I m sure I m not even eligible for this game coz I ve never broken my duck ;)...Based on feedback on "hunt-the-beauty" game, I think metro should start making cryptic announcements abt coach ratings as well...

Talking of announcements many feel the funniest of them all is "please mind the gap"...which gap are u talking abt ma'am ;) I never thought abt this...this is a stolen one -- vidhya padhai kasam!!next time u hear this plz dnt smile...m not responsible for planting this thought!! ;)

I feel the funniest of the metro events was announcement of a separate coach for ladies...poor gals..it's like getting into a separate gossip room...let me not get started abt it ...i don't wanna get into sexist debates here but one thing always pricks me..why was the first coach chosen as ladies coach...why not the last or a differently coloured one?? is it to ensure that the driver can keep an eye on them ;) after all the poor driver ends up driving on the same track for 8 hrs continuously!!

Delhi metro travel has always been the most entertaining reality show for me...it's kind of a stress reliever, especially when you start observing the patterns and anomalies in the same set of events!! M sure many of you would ve entertained yourself in more ways than one on the lifeline of Delhi!!

The most interesting part of travelling by Delhi metro is entering Rajiv Chowk during rush hours...Delhites know what I am talking about....it's like entering a "human-hive"...there is a eerie buzz around u & "who-the-f*** cares crowd" show...perfect example of "symphony in disorder"...i feel it can be a perfect mock drill grnd for many events like "searching a lost kid in kumbh mela", "Weapons of Mass destruction like intensity of impact of X no. of mooli parathas ", "spot the celebrity", "dance india dance", "how not to pick pockets" "break the queue" etc!!

This train doesn't end here....doors will be left open...please mind the gap...Tadaa!

I love..

This is my first & as of now the last love-letter...

i love
i love ur thump when you jump with joy!
I love when you kiss my head, like I am your boy!!
i love ur whisper when you slide on wet grass,
i love when for you I dive and crash
my love
i love the way you swing in air
i love to see you fly so high
i love to listen you scream in my ear
i just wanna be with you; never say good-bye!!


i was forced to add this line bcoz most of you are thinking that its for a person!!

His-tory!!

Two sensational or rather path-breaking news have come within a week which have forced a weird thought in me...
First one is the withdrawal of section 377, legalizing marital relationship with a person of same sex, a.k.a gay relationships (no offense intended)
Second, Scientists being able to produce artificial sperms from stem cells.

So squeezing & blending these two news, the juicy thought that came out of the mixer was- are we heading towards an era where men will be a redundant entity!!!
With due respect to geniuses who will say that men are not required only to produce offspring, I am daring to imagine a world where "MAN" will become an endangered species!!

According to a survey conducted by Cosmo, if given a choice 76% women prefer to have a girl child & I guess rest dont want to have a child!! I have always wondered that despite having the ability to bitch about their best female friend, women still prefer a girl child; another woman in their lives..probably coz they are easier to handle or god knows why!!!!

Anyways...if you think of an earth where we have mostly women, roaming around in free space....hold ur imagination...dont imagine that u are the only man there!!!
There will be other men too but due to their rarity, they will be kept in special protected areas called "Him-alaya"!! Women will visit those places to show their female kids what "Men" were...

Or men will only be seen at construction, digging, mining sites..which require muscle power & the capability to work against all odds!! Thankfully the board "men at work" will not change!!

But the board saying "dont pee on this wall" or "look the donkey is peeing" will be seen nowhere...as roadside peeing will become an extinct art!!

Every building will have a new storey, called "He-storey" {read history} dedicated for men.

The viewership of cartoon serials ending with "man" will increase drastically....He-Man, Spider-Man, Super-Man, Hanu-Man, Poke-Man etc etc !!!

Usage of words like "co-ed", " rape", "MF" , "bastard", "eve-teasing" will fall drastically!!

Sales of whiskey & black rum will plummet whereas vodka and flavored bacardi will sell like roadside tea.
On the other hand the commodities like capstan, navy cut, wills, fair and handsome cream, viagra etc etc will go out of production!!

There will be no pockets in pants for handkerchieves & wallets, probably there will be no "fly" as well!!Belt might go out of fashion & waist will be all elastic!!

These things are still bearable....but take this...

Half of the world will be pink...and the other half "zingu"...{generally I hear such weird names of colours like beige, bottle-green, sea-green, sky-green,green-green...so i m sure there will be a zingu-green too!!} I guess Rainbow itself will be re-defined to have more than 7 colours!!

Women will have all the authority in the world, the world will be neat & tidy..so tidy that even pigs will find it difficult to survive, the birds will have to think twice before they "do the do" while flying....everything will be in place!!

Each building will have a huge, huge & huge compound for Parking...facilitating parking in any direction...probably the parking markers on the ground will no longer be rectangular...they will be circular!!

Each road, each street, each lane will have a direction pointer & milestone!!

Car accident will not be considered a crime..instead there will be allowances for road accidents in national budgets..but 80kmhr will be considered over-speeding!!

Toast-Master club will be renamed to Toast-Mistress and ladies would be encouraged to have lavish gossip sessions..

Every country's national food will be cheese...it will sell like salt!!

The situation might worsen so much that even the words like "mail" & "many" will be replaced by "femail" & "womany"!! Even the quotations will be modified to suit women...one of my favourite ones that will fade away is: "Behind every successful man, there is a woman"...Successful and man will never be supporting each other in a sentence!!

The book "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus" will have a second edition "Men were from Mars & Woman are on Earth"

In short, women will have the power to fulfill all their needs in their hands!!! :)

Last but not the least, I would definitely love to be one of those who will be "bred" in "Him-alaya"!! ;)

Phewww....what do you say will happen in such a world??? Despite imagining all this I know men will never be extinct...not only because they will force themselves out of rarity but also because the fairer sex will not let them run out of numbers!!
They need us almost as much as we need them....i think so!!

Obama is a guinea pig!!

I feel that the hype and hoopla being created around Mr. President, is a mist created to cover the ground realities. Mr. President falls under several categories which make him vulnerable to be a guinea for the vested interests of many.
1) His timing; Everything around is going wrong, economy is crumbling, frauds are unearthing, people are going jobless, USA's war decisions are being proven wrong and criminal, nobody has a clue what is going to happen and how its going to be back to normal. In this grim situation comes a man who will fix everything and bring smile to everyone's face..No i m not talking about Santa (not even the Santa of Santa Banta fame), I am talking about Mr Obama. He is the superman, he can do everything, everything that's beyond human capabilities like race against time. He will heal the economic wounds much before they would normally heal, his midas touch will bring the glory of gold back in the sunlight.....Isnt this what is being projected??
Basically, its a human behaviour...whenever we get into trouble, we look for support and a shoulder..or probably a garbage bin where we can dump all our problems & pains and then watch from a distance.Mr. President has been made to bear the load of the world, and he will have to rise above his human capabilities to fix things within time. Otherwise,two things will happen; the problems will get resolved with time OR the problem will stay for some more time and then get resolved :)

2) His abilities/inabilities; He is a black and a born-muslim. So people are using those characteristics as a selling point as well. To showcase how he has risen from nowhere and then using it as his USP. I dont doubt his days of struggle but are they big enough to make him bear the load of the world?

3) American attitude; I have noticed that since Americans are elite pampered kids of the world, for them even a small fart is a HUGE bang. Everybody starts talking about it, everybody starts getting scared and running around, everybody is concerned....its like...ohh my god, he is eating with unwashed hands...he can die of jaundice, please donate for his hospitalisation!
So even though the world crisis is humungous, it can be solved by doing work and not creating havoc!! On a similar note, before Obama several president's have taken oath, then what is it that is so big about him that you can make him a superhero even before he has done anything

I think Obama is just a name being used to sell things, being used to dump the work on, being used to give a name to a guinea pig!

....welcome onboard Mr. President. Please prove me wrong, i will be more than happy!

Irony

I think the following statement is one of the biggest irony of literary world...

What's there in a name.....
-William Shakespeare

My thoughts

Among the million views and suggestions floating around, this might be just another solution to the present "terror-struck" india's problems but I think its worth a try. What do you guys/gals say about it??

Terror strikes in India is not a new problem and I think we will always be aimed at because of the face we show to the world. We are a bunch of confused lot...billions of leaves flowing down a stream, no one knows what and where its heading and what to do when the next waterfall comes!

In this situation, I think the most generic solution to India's defence related problems is building a more disciplined and responsible India. Indians, as we all, are busy blaming government, intelligence, politicians, terrorists etc etc for the latest terror strikes in India. We believe that building a stronger intelligence network will help us fight against terrorists, having a proactive-less corrupt government will help us take bolder steps. But if you look at all major terror strikes, each attack has been innovatively different from the previous one. We all know that destroying anything is far easier than protecting it and when it comes to a huge country like India, there are million gaps from where the attackers can crawl in. How many crevasses will you gaurd??? No matter how alert we are, there will always be one guy who will help the guys on the other side in their motives and they will outsmart us!!Playing the role of a normal Indian, we are blaming government for intelligence failure, army for not protecting us and terrorists for targetting us...but what are we doing to ensure it doesnt happen again!!

I stronly feel that besides beefing up our current system, we should always be prepared for anything. We can follow the footsteps of Israel and let each and every Indian attend at least one year of military training. This training should teach us "crisis-management", should aim at making us mentally tougher and be more disciplined, should aim at teaching basic first-aid and do's and dont's. The military training though will steal one year from every one's career but that can be compensated by making changes to the education system or by including this training in education system etc etc. To begin with we can make the training voluntary and see the results and later make it mandatory.
@ Mr. Arjun Singh- Quota can be raised for such trained proffessionals.

Getting a military training will have multiple benefits. First of all we'll be mentally tough and more prepared for any kind of mishap. We will learn to be more responsible, responsible for everything from throwing a polythene bag on the road to casting a vote! We will be more disciplined, disciplined enough to drive in lane and not to jump lines! Basically India will be better than what it is today....a floor full of spilled beans!!
Just imagine how many of our dear friends who lost their lives in this mishap could have saved their as well as other lives if they had a better sense of "crisis-management". With due respect to the ones who lost their lives, I would like to quote an example. Many of the people on the 6th floor of Taj, lost their lives bcoz their rooms were set on fire and they were waiting for the fire-engines. You can easily recollect their pictures-standing at window and waving to people outside, calling for help!! Was it not possible for them to climb down the building through the windows using their curtains and bed-sheets. Some people did that and they are alive. Basically, when a mishap takes place, most of us panic and this training will do nothing but teach us how to maintain our calm and think for the best solution. Also when the guys on the other side know that we are more prepared for them, they will have to think twice before turning their eyes on our field.

I also think that this training might make many of us more disciplined and responsible in life which will indirectly solve many other problems like pollution, corruption and "feeling of indifference"!!

Currently India and we Indians are seen as sitting ducks, anybody comes and knocks us down! Not only external agents but the internal agencies also do the same, where lawmakers play with law, politicians and public servants play with public and we we are just indifferent to everything. "Sab chalta hai, atleast I am not getting directly affected!!" is an Indian personality trait. I think the only way we can improve is to imbibe discipline at the very grass-root level.

Last but not the least, if we groom our fighting spirit, even if we won't succeed in struggles or fights in our day to day life, at least we'll ensure that we don't go down without a fight!!

I feel that its easier said than done but its worth a try!! One or few of us can't make the difference which India needs, instead a radical change is important!

Hope ...Game On!!

Friends..

In an attempt to come up with something fresh and different, I have zeroed on this!! Its the best I could draw and hope my best is decent enough for you all! So from now on, besides writing, I will often come up with these drawings or pictures...and we will play a game....there are only 2 rules of the game:

Rule 1) I will post the picture and you will give it a title....For example, My title for this creation is HOPE! The title need not be one word only, it can be anything from a word to a line to a phrase to a blog..anything! The person who comes up with the best title will get a treat from me*.God Promise!!

* ONLY MY Terms and Conditions apply!

Rule 2) If you think you liked someone else's title..then rate it on a scale of 1-5..5 being the best!! Getting votes for your popularity is the only way of bribing me! Otherwise nobody argues with me in this game and quietly follows rule 1. 

If you think you are the outright winner...please feel free to claim your treat!

I didn't want to mention this but for those adamant souls...This is a monarchy and I am the LAW!

So Lets Game On!!

Yawwwnnn!!

Sitting over the cup of coffee in office Mr. Pulkit yaaawwwwwwwwwns...I thought it was just a symptom for lack of oxygen in his brain but in his dying phase of yawn with a moaning soul, he says "M bored...bored to the core with whatever is going around!! with every sunrise, a new day starts, with lot of fresh new people around but the same old me...same lousy face, who struggles to search his second pair of eyes while rubbing the first pair, same rotten toothbrush, same snoring flat mate! start getting ready for office and even before i finish getting geared up for work it's time for dinner, have dinner coz at night u can only have dinner and not lunch (sorry but cudnt find any better reason for having dinner) and then the same old day that gets over with same old glass of tea!! The only thing thats new everyday is my age, that is i get a day older and realising this I ve decided to brighten up my life...but dont kno how"

So the friend in me volunteered to give some suggestions to Mr Pulkit..plz feel free to add some more from ur personal experiences...special request to the IT engineers who definitely face this "Yawnnnn in afternoon as if its Dawn" syndrome and have found innovative ways of curing it!!

to begin with, since his day gets boring coz of a lousy morning, so he can try and avoid mornings and get up directly in afternoon! might be of great help!!
OR
may be he can try something unique everyday...be it inventing new modes of suicides which includes holding his breath till he runs out of it
OR
in office he can try to type with an upside down keyboard
OR
keeping a track of the number of times he refreshes his desktop aimlessly!
OR
counting the number of times he shakes his legs while chatting on gtalk!
OR
at the end of the day atleast think about changing his socks once in a week (this is a personal vengeance)!

while i scribble this, most of my dear friends esp those in the suicITal industry might be feeling related to Mr. Pulkit...must be hallucinating of sitting in the same boat that strays aimlessly everyday and before we realize this its time again to Yawwwwnnn!!

Man Watching

Hello fellow Indian Men,

Now this one is going to be a bit nasty and might hurt u as much as it hurts when u get hit at ur 'manlihood meter' but let me mention before I start..I am proud to be an Indian and happily belong to the clan of Indian men...Have u ever made an attempt to stretch ur observation powers a little beyond Chicks and observe each other...I am not talking abt swinging to the other side of the gender, instead its just a courteous attempt to throw some light upon US, the Indian Men...
To cut the ribbon: you all might have heard a lot about the B triangle (aka bermuda triangle), let me introduce you to the H triangle, which engulfs us, the Indians...the three H that define most of us are..Hair, Hygiene and Habits...

H-One:
All Indian men, have miles of hair on them..according to a survey, whose results are subject to change without any intimation, number of hair on Indian men is equal to the number of rice grains india produces every year..Now many men consider it to be a sign of manlihood and others hate them like weed in their kitchen garden...personally I can go on and on and on about this "Hairy-Fairy Tale"..but let me press the breaks by quoting Russell Peters, "God played a cruel joke on Indian men, he put them in some of the hottest parts of the world with forests of hair on them...Then he said..Go enjoy!!"

H-Two:
Lets not talk about hygiene...we might end up getting in such corners of your house or body parts which might lead to the phenomenon called "mass puking"...just a friendly advice...lets take bath regularly,atleast everyday!!

H-Three:
Habits...hmmm..wat to say..Our habits make us stand above any league of ordinary or even extraordinary Men..One of the most common habits of most of us is scratching..be it scratching head, chest, waist, neck, cheek,nose or...!! all of us have a favourite body part where we start scratching when we are doing nothing...You see, we cant sit idle..Just observe it once, and you will end up laughing in many situations...let me quote an example without the due permission of my dear friend...He has this "subconscious scratching" habit and his fav part is a little below naval..though not very unhygienically below...The other day he met a gal who was in his school after couple of years..standing on the road, leaning on the street light pole, his subconscious took over him and while his hands were busy,he delivered the dialogue..."Has been years since we met, wanna come home!!"..Imagine the rest!!

Going topless is one of the rituals which most of us love...be it the pandit in temple who is uncovered above waist or the lesser-men endorsing the national uniform aka baniyan (undershirt)...and if we wear shirts, we keep the top one or two buttons open to stick to our culture! We see no shame in showing off our manly chests!

Another habit of 'the' US is the "street-lion" behaviour..No matter how much humble or may be meak we are, most of us forget the spellings of humility when we realise that we are standing in an area which is closer to our home...I am talking about all those dudes who stand at the shops at the corner of streets sometimes eve-teasing, ..or all those kings who feel the imaginary air of "his-highness" while walking down their residential street with their chest puffed up and eyes searching for the north pole star believing that all gals are checking them out...or studs who ride bikes like stunt men near their homes...This "kingism" is backed by the assurance that we are close to our house and we have enough "backing" available, incase we get into any trouble! You will find most of these lions roaming in herds..pumping each other to do something which is not being allowed...e.g. the dj tells to lionA, u cant dance..lionA comes to lionB and lionC and informs them that their request is being turned down..lionB and lionC get up and say "Come, lets see how that a**hole is not letting us dance"..they go to the dance floor and push the lionA in the front to do most of the talking,while they stand behind supporting him morally :) isnt that a common site we can relate to!!

The list doesnt end here..and I hope most of us will take these Hz sportingly!! Some of the other observations include,
letching..where almost every Indian man tries it atleast more than n times to tease or oggle at the females with "those" eyes..As commented by many gals "Such deprived souls we are"!!
public-service...using roads and streets as personal comodes and wash-basins is our birth right..No matter how educated or facilitated we are, there is no fun like indulging in public service!
hugging, holding hand and kissing fellow men..these might b the ways of showing affection but once in a blue moon they are fine..not for every 'white' or 'no moon' reason!!

After reading this most of us might believe that these observations are not restricted to only India but are worse in other parts of the planet and not all the things mentioned belong to everyone...but in one way or the other most of us can relate to more than one of the things mentioned here!

Last words :- I am still straight and will stay unto D day...Observing fellow men, was just like window shopping or bird watching or star gazing...I still love indulging in some of these "Indian-men" acts and will always be a proud Indian coz no matter what happens or wat we do "we Indians gave world "The Kamasutra" and we can still screw the world in more number of ways than they can imagine!!- Papa C J"

HIGH DEFINED!

Caveat: This writeup is for those who know/feel that science is not only a subject but a feeling!

Driving on a highway, listening to Metallica, imagining the guitarists fingers flowing through the fret board of the guitar, i cud feel myself getting goosebumps! I was wondering what is it in human beings that gives them a high. Isn't it so astonishing that the mind which controls the whole body, itself loses control and flies! How does one provide a reason for this state in which the mind-body transcend. Let me give it a try..

To begin with, how does one get a high...what are the shooters that give u a high...Most of you relate high with booze/dope but I believe that they give the worst quality of highs.It is one of the most short lived highs that also leads to post-high effects like hangover and GUILT. And surprisingly the best things that give you a high are not palpable..your favourite song, a beautiful alaap by your favourite singer, an amazing dance, a beautiful move in your favourite sport or the most simple of all a good deed that makes ur soul happy smthng like making a kid smile :) {sounds too philosophical but I guess it works...thats the EQ on which vodafone and airtel adds cash on}

So what is it that gives sends the mind to a different world.. I feel its a simple scientific rule of communication that can define the high... here goes the THEORY OF HIGH:
Every communication is accomplished in 3 steps... u send a message, receiver receives a message and sends u an acknowledgement, u receive the acknowledgement to complete the loop of communication....our body works in the same manner, brain tells the body to do smthng, body does it and asks the head if its being done in the right manner, then the brain decides if its being done in the best possible way!

Now when u get a high, your body stops listening to the brain..its as simple as the fact that there are no 2 entities like the brain and the body...they become a single piece and there is no time lag of communication and acknowledgement....imagine ur favourite shooter and u ll b easily able to identify where does this rule fit into it!

P.S: I kno this article is ultra philosophical and scientific..forgive me from digressing from my "humour" oriented style of writing! Comments still awaited!

Chelsea Vs. ManU

I feel that penalty shoot-outs is just a way of forcibly finishing the game and giving it some result. Tossing a coin to find the result is just another option for the same though its a bit more easier and less biased than penalties.

First 40 minutes of the game ManU came all guns roaring but the moment Chelsea pressed the accelerator the red rodents ran hither-thither as if a cat has passed by. They were not able to understand whats that spherical thing rolling on the grass :) To summarize you will not find a blue supporter who is ashamed/utterly
disappointed of the loss but many ManU fans are still panting, trying to find that "sigh of relief"

I m sure the blues ve won many more fans (though not the cup). Drogba was indeed a shame!

At the end of the day, it was just another game where the score line never told who played better...one of the games
for which its said ...WELL PLAYED BUT HARD LUCK!

As far as Tevez is concerned, may be its my lack of opportunities or may b my good luck, I ve never seen him play for what he was bought. He is the Shevchenko of ManU.

I kno many of u will post ur comments on the rhythm "ManU has WON and thats the end of it" and I truely agree with them.

Observations

Hello blog/blog readers...

I was hibernating in the polythene and finally fell short of breath. So had to come out. It seems ages since I poured my observations in the polythene. Though I have not come up with a specific plan or agenda to talk about but lets talk in general and lets see what we end up with...

After finding the "wife on Mars" my humour bone started shrinking and I guess I started finding less reasons to laugh about...may b i fell in love with the "wife on Mars". If I try to recapitulate my observations for last 3 months...I find nothing really funny out there...the same old noise machine i ride..the same old pot hole on the Madivala Market road which is getting deeper and will soon form Madivala Lake: Part II...the same old cow standing besides the road trying to cross the road at around 6:30pm, peak office hour (i wonder how she manages to be so punctual...or can she smell me coming). Talking about road observations..let me share smthng scientific..I ve come up with a theory of "pillion sniffer".
using MY theory of "pillion sniffer" you can easily find out from a distance the age and gender of the pillion rider on the two wheeler in front of you...from one arm distance anybody can find this out but mind it i m talking about "from a distance"...The calculations are as follows: If the person sitting behind is holding the support behind the bike then either its an old man(worried for his life) or a gal (to maintain safe distance)...now if the head is still, neck stretched tall, peeping over the rider's shoulder then its for sure a gal..who is trying to look at the road ahead and all set to jump in case her eyes catch something which the rider missed...u see gals normally dont trust guys blindly...if the neck is relaxed and head is swirling all over the world..then its a young lad checking out or i shud say making observations... they dont care where they fall!
Note: This theory adheres to the theory of relativity..so it might not hold good in all situations...there are non-male and non-female people arnd us,'mind it'!!

Coming back to traffic...Tata uncle has come up with a gr8 solution for zipping through jams and narrow roads...I wont go in details of describing the microscopic features of Nano...but one thing is for sure...the world is going nano (read small)...everything is shrinking...it all started with the global village concept where distances started shrinking..then came lawn mower which shrunk to an electric shaver...following this shrinking norm came internet, mobile phones, pamela anderson wardrobe, T20 cricket and now nano...god knows wats in store in future...Just hope that for some things the rule of "the bigger the better" holds good always!!

Till the next set of observations...Chao!

wife on mars

6:30 am , getting ready for a game of football, I switch on the TV and guess what i get to hear! Pictures of a naked woman taken on Mars. The first thing that struck my mind was that its another Vijaya Mallaya stunt to pump a new life in his annual swimsuit calender photoshoot! But soon I realised that F1 cars dont go to Mars neither does Kingfisher...though its a different story that u feel like being on a mission to Mars inside a Deccan flight, where factors like g force( g stands for gravity;not gals), water-tight seats and the fellow astronauts play a crucial role!

Listening further to the news, I was wondering if its one of the woman liberation activists who has gone miles just to prove that women are always ahead of men...If man can land on moon then woman can sun bathe on mars! Armstrong's famous lines echoed in my head "That's one small step for man; one giant leap for mankind." But he never knew that his giant leap for mankind will be overtaken so soon...where a comrade from "womankind" will leap from earth to mars that too just for a better tan!

Riding my bike towards the ground, i was still thinking about this "mysterious gal"! As far as I remember the flight to mars has never been launched from India,so she is not a "runaway bride" aka Lola...who wud have ran all the way as no one asked her to stop..all she heard was run lola run.... hmmmmmm...since the first flight was sent by US, I hope this lady is not one of the exiled citizens of US...by the way it has been long since I heard about Monica Lewinsky...where is she??

I reached the ground..n the ball hitting my secured ares sparked the idea that how can anyone claim that the figure is a woman's....i kno many non-female men who have been "eve"-teased and that too to the teaser's embarassement...If the person over there is a man...then i m sure it Osama...full shaven...sitting cozy..enjoying life! Osama can do anything!

So this figure has sparked tonnes of questions...is it real or just an illusion...if real then is it a guy or a gal...one comic question that cropped up was "is she a virgin"...dont ask me who was inquisitive abt that! But i just pray that there is life on Mars and this person actually teaches us how to live there! So many problems will be resolved...we ll have another planet to hang around on...population wont be explosive any more....and to the best of my advantage...most of the IT companies will shift base to mars...bangalore will b a better place to live!

Just imagine...wat if the life is taking a full circle...watever happened on earth is happenning on mars too....The EVE has landed...soon Mr Adam will come...an apple tree will crop up from somewhere....followed by the snake....history will repeat itself...and after millions of years another software engineer on Mars will be sitting idle on a Friday afternoon writting a blog about life on Jupiter!!

by the way wat do u think that figure is?

Merry Christmas..infact.. MERA Christmas

I am celebrating christmas big time....let me tell u how!!

Last night i hung one of my sock in my almirah waiting for Santa to come in and drop some gift in it...but my bad luck went worse again....by mistake i hung a sock that I had been wearing for 7 days non stop...Dear Santa came on his reindeer...saw the sock...the moment he got close to it...he got a shot of local anaesthesia ...Santa fainted then n there!! Poor reindeer had to drag him back out of the town on the sledge..
God got angry...and instead of sending the Clause fame Santa...he sent Banta famed Santa...whose arm pits were stinking more than my sock ...he came to my room...shook me up..and gave me around 1200 files to analyse!! So here i m sitting in office.....celebrating my Christmas....

Jingle BAEL (ox) Jingle BAEL...jingle all the way!

Merry Christmas to u all !!

I ve got mail!!!

this one is going to b a simple one....and i might get shot/burried/assasinated/blasted..in short killed for this...so all those whom i owe money...my number is 9886770713

i got a mail from one of my closest friends, namyata pathak..name not changed for public interest..the mail goes like this..

When a GIRL is quiet ... millions of things are running in her mind.
When a GIRL is not arguing ... she is thinking deeply. When a GIRL
looks at u with eyes full of questions ... she is wondering how long
you will be around. When a GIRL answers " I'm fine " after a few
seconds ... she is not at all fine.

When a GIRL stares at you ... she is wondering why you are lying. When
a GIRL lays on your chest ... she is wishing for you to be hers
forever. When a GIRL wants to see you everyday... she wants to be
pampered. When a GIRL says " I love you " ... she means it. When a
GIRL says " I miss you " ... no one in this world can miss you more
than that.

Life only comes around once make sure u spend it with the right person
.... Find a guy ... who calls you beautiful instead of hot. who calls
you back when you hang up on him. who will stay awake just to watch
you sleep. Wait for the guy who ... kisses your forehead. Who wants to
show you off to the world when you are in your sweats. Who holds your
hand in front of his friends. Who is constantly reminding you of how
much he cares about you and how lucky he is to have you. Who turns to
his friends and says, " That's her!! "

So i m making an attempt to answer it in my words....after all in a democratic republic even i have a say for the fair-n-handsome sex!

so let me try to make a similar quote for guys....

When a guy is quiet ... he wants peace n silence so that he can take rest...so please shut up!
When a guy is not arguing ... he has given up on the gal n is testing his levels of patience!
When a guy looks at u with eyes full of questions ... he wants to ask you questions or he is hungry!
When a guy answers " I'm fine " atleast for that moment he is truely fine or his name is Fine.

When a guy stares at you ... he might be admiring you or you just fell in his range of sight!
When a guy lays on your chest ... you can't breathe!
When a guy wants to see you everyday... he wants to spend time with you or you owe him money!
When a guy says " I love you " ... he means.."i like you more than anyone else I like..can we stay together".
When a guy says "I miss you " ...he assumes/knows that only u can miss him more than how much he is missing you!
that's HIM
so guys are very simple....they show wat they mean!

actually mother nature and father god planned it very well....they made the creature with a little lighter brain, complex so that the simpler creature can understand the complex creature with less complexity....darwin's theory of smthng, may b balance!!

for world peace!

P.S. words speak louder than actions...pen is mightier than sword...keyboard is better than slap..so instead of waiting for the moment to slap me/ or support my thoughts...please post a comment!

our official team trip

Now many of you might not feel related to this writeup, but just for records as well as to share what we went through..i m posting it here!!
COMMENTS STILL AWAITED



29th October 2007, a remarkable day in our history. Sensex touched 20k, Mr. Ambani became world’s richest man, it didn’t rain in Bangalore and not to forget ZTRANS team went for a team outing with most of the team members making it successfully back from the trip, all those who didn’t make it back actually didn’t go and missed the fun!

The planning started days ago, or may be months ago or must be more than an year, if you count the excitement of team outing as one of the components of planning for the outing. This time Mr. Solaiyappan PICCHIAPPAN and Mrs Divya Praksh were given the reigns to organize the event for us and they finally did it. It all started with ZTRANSites getting aware of the fact that each one of us deserves Rs. 1200/- for extra-PMRicular work and as expected things happened - discussions, meeting, planning, meeting, finalizing, meeting, postponing, meeting, multiple teams joining, meeting, rage, meeting and finally outing.

The destined day came, as decided there were 2 pick up points, EGL 6:30am SHARP and Mantri 7:00 am CUTTING EDGE. A huge SRS bus came and we all got into it but by the miscalculation of the aura and entropy of the people in the bus, some of the most mischievously fun loving people got in the last couple of rows of the bus. One question still goes unanswered, why were all of them from ZTRANS? The party started with the first rev of the bus. Heading on the smooth, straight Kanakpura road the organizing team took command and decided to reshuffle the seats so that everyone comes to know each other. For all those who don’t know, the outing was for 3 teams, ZTRANS, HPC and Solutions. So it was pretty logical for all to pick a chit from the pandora’s bowl and sit with a person who has another chit with same colour name mentioned. Step two was to introduce your partner. Most of the people obeyed the rules and played pretty well except few. I recall that those people were called hooligans or indisciplined but ignorant world, they were just color blinds. Despite this they played pretty well and everyone in the bus was introduced. I just remember meeting a new guy called Solaiyappan Pichhiappan and one rollicking gal, forgot her name though. The bus meandered through the hills, serene landscape, along the river and with the burps of our Food court idlis and wadas we landed at Bheemeshwari.

Part two of the trip starts. Excited bunch of people started taking snaps, all over the place, from the welcome hut to the mouth watering welcome drink, from the rafting boats to tree branches. Time to rock and roll arrived, the guide announced the commencement of rafting. People changed into their casuals, got into the life jackets, guarded their heads, grabbed the oars and posed for the photographs. They knew that hardly they dress up like gladiators. Some great instructions were given by the guide in a very interesting way. After some warm up exercises in the raft the whole group of strong hearted and well insured people set off in 3 rafts, one guide per raft. Drifting along the river, we were following the instructions of the guide. Forward, backward and stop were the three instructions and it was enough for us to meander the boat. The guide guided the boat well enough to ensure that we get a great feel of the rapids. Some of the rapids were huge, huge enough that the first person saw a 4 feet water-wall whereas the last guy was in air for couple of seconds. For all those who feared drowning and hence never got into the water, there was the special activity where everyone on the boat got down in the water and couple of us swam as well. I personally found swimming against the current to be the second toughest thing, first one being arranging the team outing! We saw a baby crocodile and an elephant on our rafting trip. We pulled our anchors down at a point from where the open air geep ride to the base camp was another enthralling experience. Many of us used it as a good opportunity to dry ourselves off.

Now what, sitting and thinking, we got on a net hanging from the tree branches and had a great time swinging there. Time for lunch, we had the super spicy but good food. Post lunch, we were planning to relax on the hoards of hammocks, swings and nets over there but to begin the series of heart breaks, we were told to finish off the coracle ride! Hurried into the coracles, the herd of coracles was set off on the same rafting route. Though coracle came nowhere close to the rafting experience yet it was a great experience. Just imagine putting an ant in a bowl and sending the bowl down a small stream. Poor ant, analogously but ironically we enjoyed! Back to the same anchoring point, we set back on the same open air jeeps. Post shoe-wearing ceremony, we all set off for the amazing trek. What was called a trek was actually a site seeing activity combined with a walk through the jungle. Anyhow, at the top of the hill there was a tower that provided a pretty good site of the landscape, got some snaps clicked. It was only 4:30 and we reached the base camp. Post tea we planned to spend some time with each other playing football or some other game as we were all scheduled to leave by 5:30. The lightning struck again and due to some unavoidable emergency conditions, we had to take our steps off. None of us felt bad, I am not kidding, seriously, none of us!

Back in the bus, we started the world famous, Dumb C. Dumb’ed by the tweaking of the return plan, we all played it pretty well. The game was pretty amazing with people going through a set of E –MO-TIONS, from laughter to embarrassment, from anger to helplessness! The back benchers were loaded with joy and the tyre could not take it any more…fisssssssssss….puncture! Post tyre change the hooligans started dancing! Who says you need a floor to dance, its just a mood to grove that can make everyone shake a leg or two. The hunted talent of the night was Sowmya, personally I never thought she could dance so well. With the party rolling we reached our destination and tired but not exhausted we landed. Time to shutdown the engines but only to give a double rev next day. We all enjoyed the trip and I know there are some grudges, but I will not say that no rose comes without a thorn because I love sunflower, with always sunny side up!
On the whole a special thanks to Sridhar, Rajesh, Solai Pichhi, Dipraksh, Pidad and Shalet for taking all the pains and making those efforts to ensure that we all enjoy to the core. Don’t you think we should have more events of these kinds! Hail ZTRANS, the core of fun lovers on EGD-6/7th floor!

Comment/ Bakar

This blog is a comment on my best buddyz below mentioned writeup which is his interpretation of love/relationship!! since i love indulging in plagiarism..i thought of doing it in a different way ...sorry varun...

http://basketballstriker.blogspot.com/2007/10/love-love-me-do.html


extremely nice writeup ..i can never pen down my thoughts in such a flow...and since being best buddies for ages ... day in day out we talk abt gals and relationships, hence i could understand everything wat u meant...but i wud LIKE to differ on this...forgive me for watever i m gonna say :) i owe u a draught :P

NOTE: the comments/suggestions/bakar of mine is not meant only for varun...the word "you/u" refers to the readers in general!!

"if i do this today...and if i wont b able to do it tomorrow..then things will get spoilt" ..this is the crux of the writeup..

but why cant u do it tomorrow...and if u cant do it tomorrow then why cant u explain it to ur counterpart/other-half that u cant do it...isnt she/he supposed to b understanding as well??

"understand the gal before telling a yes...meet her properly..see if she can fit in well..etc etc...think a lot before taking any step"..MOU ..now i owe u 2 draughts :P

all those people who think/talk like this r calculative and safe player in life/relationship..not like wat wat varun is in share market :)

u are not ready to experiment, u are scared of trying and hence to b on a safer side u have drawn lines....drawing analogy to a game of football... u set rules, regulations, yellow cards and red cards...indeed the game goes on pretty good...everybody comes out happy and safe....n everyone thinks that its the best way to play...but have u ever played a game of soccer in rain in open ground full of slush and MOST IMPORTANT..without any fear of losing...i kno u have more chances of getting hurt in that...game can go wildly out of control...and things can go bizzare..infact game can b over & out in a jiffy...but that is wat i think gives a real feel of living...that is wat touches u deep within (ask me :P )!!
actually i appreciate the beauty with which varun has found and explored each-n-every weak joint of a relationship..its pretty tough to pen down all the thoughts in such a systematic manner..but one request..can u plz write another blog on wats good in a relationship, if possible,as big as this one (i kno this blog is not abt...wats bad in a relationship)??? i jst wanna see wat are the things u appreciate in a relationship! time to make annapurna happy :)

personally even i think, life is very simple...and so is a relationship..how do we gel with our frnds in life??as varun told me once...do we both set rules that we dnt have to talk everyday...we ve to b egoistic..we dnt have to care...we dnt have to assume coz we dnt kno each other....naaahhh...we jst flow...if mood b...i ask him.. how u doing, had food...if mood b we ll assume things for each other and buy stuff including movie tickets :P...i agree with u on this frnt buddy..but a life partner is not the same as ur normal frnd, not even ur best frnd...u shud nt even try to make her/him LIKE ur best frnd...
u can live miles away for ages..and still b best frnds...but not in a relationship!! u can bear ur frnd flirting with other gals..but u cant stand ur gal even talking abt one potential competition of urs....there are many such examples..

let me not digress frm the topic..actually i think that relationship is more abt 2 ppl..who can NEVER b same in the begining..and they have to mingle slowly...hence there shud not b any rules or regulations for each other...u shud keep moulding urself according to the other, which shud b a two way affair...and changing urself to the other person's need is not going under-egositic..its abt understanding him/her and hence coming upto his/her frequency level..its abt respecting his/her perspective towards life..his/her likings..and then trying to gel his/her needs to ur needs..i m not asking u to totally give up ur personal interests for him/her..but atleast try to set interests of both the people at same level....coz finally only those 2 ppl can last together who are like each other!!even in this case of urs...where ppl will follow ur rules..i dnt think u can find any couple in which both the guy and the gal will agree to any point u ve said...they ll have their different view points..and hence again a scope of moulding according to each other against ur philosophy of staying egoistic.... so ppl just take the risk...and u ll enjoy it..till when can we calculate..till when can we b bound by rules...office home family field payroll NSE roads..everywhere we follow rules..we cant help those coz we are not the owners of those things and we r not the only ones getting affected...but atleast try this thing without rules..take a combined ownership of ur relationship...and then both of u get out on the highway...see how ur vehicle cruises!!! as varun says.. forget the destination..enjoy the journey!!

one very famous quote...sorry for going over philosophical...
"ships are safe in harbours...but is this wat they are made for???"
let ur sails down, take ur partner along..and let the wind guide u..and i m not saying NO RULES..i m jst asking u to keep them minimum..only use a compass and a map..thats it....and as u know..FLEXIBILITY is the key to enjoyment..as we used to tell it to abhimanyuz best frnd CC...i ASSURE u..that u ll b in a mess a lot of times.u ll b struggling ...fighting....but u ll love these testing moments...these will b the most defining moments of ur life..at 85 when u ll look back ur amnesia wont let u recollect all the rules...but the bruises on ur body will for sure make u realise of wat u ve been through....bahut mazaa aata hai, seriously..its tried and tested :)...who knows better than me and my buddy!!

Wat to name this as ...

Before i start this writeup...i wud like to state that i m not the first one to call Shakespeare a moron and hence i shud not be sued for it! I am just one of the many who proudly denounce his highly talked about proverbs. Today I am gonnna attack his famous saying, "what's in a name" which i think is one of the dumbest statements ever made...Had he been alive i wud have loved to address him as Shiekh Spear or Shake spear or Ramu or Chameli or ZXDERF and would have waited for his reaction! I wonder if he would have even remotely felt related to those nouns.

Actually it all started on Friday evening. Celly pings me to chalk out a plan for dinner and as usual, the more than happy side of me asks, where?? Incomes the reply, Oye Amritsar! Now going with the marshallish repo of my dear frnd celly, I thought she was mocking at me and was asking me to go to Amritsar for dinner, which I thought was her home town :) So I neglected the statement and again asked,"seriously where"! She again said, "oye amritsar"! Hmmm so then it struck me that there could b a place tagged "oye amritsar"..and to confirm it I asked where is it!! She told me the directions and I just smiled at my foolishness.. More than half of my brain was mocking at the person who named the restaurant so rudely but the remaining part of it was being humble and telling me that "whats in a name".. I reached the discourteous court and while my body was busy eating, my head was still echoing with Shakespearez words! Then came the boss, my frnd Rishi's boss with his kid in arms, held cosily. the boss and kid were all smiles on seeing Rishi with a gorgeous gal and walked upto him! Rishi (name changed, not to avoid hurting him..but coz therez nothing in the name u c) , gets up and shakes hands firmly with the boss..and as a sign of courtesy pinches or koochi-kooes the kids cheeks and said..."hello piyush"...Though i didnt hear a lightening but the boss's face was struck with one! He pivoted around, pulling the kid away and a baritone echoed out of his mouth..."its not Piyush, its Pratyush"!! Man-o-man...I was rolling on the table laughing and so was Celly!! While my present tense was busy laughing my past tense was still conflicting over ..wats in a name!! And this incident proved that therez a lot in the name..

Just imagine ..you are born a gal and your parents have christened you bubbloo! You would have been doomed for life and beyond your imagination you would have faced a million problems...teachers would have made you stand up million times for giving proxy attendance for your fictitious best frnd...your credentials filled in any questionaire would have been checked twice to make sure that you have ticked the right box for the section "sex" and have not mistaken the noun "sex" as verb "sex" and ticked the F letter :)...many a guys would have refused to go arnd with u just to prov that they are straight...and as we all kno that gals get undue advantage when teachers give them marks, u wud have been deprived of those!! god knows wat all wud have got messed up in ur life!

OK...we talked abt the gender touch in the name..but wat if ur name is totally absurd...just imagine that u were baptised as something u jst cant relate to...some parents do that coz they are very passionate abt sm things and they want their kids to b living symbols of their passions!christiano ronaldo was named after brazilian ronaldo, i guess so, but its ok but imagine smthng like this...
a wild life conservationist names his kid, zebra...all throughout his life poor kid will b mistaken to b an offspring of a black man and a white woman!! or a car maniac names his kid Ferrari, all throughout his/her life people will keep looking for the silencer and horny side in him/her! or just imagine a numerology guy names his child DSCRFT coz those alphabets add upto make his lucky number, I dnt think i have to tell the problem that will crop up after naming ur kid DSCRFT!

So Dear respected Shakespeare, there is a lot in the name... I think most of us would like to second me on that...and those who dont agree...plz go and check what was Shakespeare's offspring's name! I am sure it wud have been Helmet..after his famous play Hamlet!!

Hungry India

It all starts with a smile and doesnt end even after you have run miles. First Let me quote wat has happend to me... yesterday my frndz parents visited her in bangalore and invited us for dinner at her home!! wow..party time....time to celebrate ...and hence TIME TO HOG!! We went to her house...and we ate like pigs...from rajma chawal to sweeets to wat not....and when our bellies were protruding enough to give our tea table a competition we slept....guess wat happened in morning today... This overeating lead to a series of chain reactions leading to gas formation and now i m less of a burden on earth..coz i m floating like a gas balloon!! i m feeling like an Appy Fizz now!!

why does this happen...is this only we indians who love to celebrate things by overeating or is it very human!! be it any festival or celebration time...the first thing that we have to do is to arrange for an eatable for the occassion! infact festivals are directly related to dishes...kheel-batashe for diwali, ghujia for holi, rasgulle for rakhi, cakes for christmas, sewiyan for id etc etc etc...and bloody all of them are sweet!! i have heard abt having a sweet tooth but i think we indians are born with a sweet jaw...very very sweet...may b thats why gals think that indians kiss better than italians ;)

jokes apart...there is a serious fact that i read couple of months back...as we all kno that humans will put on fat if they overeat without ample exercise...but the body part that will become the fat store varies with the genes...latin/europeans put on fat in legs...russians put on fat on shoulders..and we blessed indians put it on our tummy!! we are so blessed...

so why do we do this to our bodies and arent there any better ways of expressing love??? u go home and if u tend to control ur intake ur mom taunts at u saying that u dnt like home food or wat?? then offering/forcing second or multiple serving is a mandatory rule!! i m sure everyone wud have gulped down food under the pressure of host's blackmails or continuous persuasions!!
there are many other instances where we try to prove that we live to eat and not eat to live...i m doing nothing, i m getting bored..wat to do?? ok lets eat something!!!ohh india vs pakistan match....lets get something to nibble while i m watching!! i have a fast tomorrow....so let me eat a lot today! infact i kno ppl who eat to avoid depression...Adnan Sami is one of them and dnt be shocked...i really kno him,thats a different issue that he doesnt kno me!!

ok...enough of eating cribs...the major problem is that we dnt exercise..we dnt workout as much as we eat...infact indian eating habits are in a big time mess....
aaloo paratha has to go with butter.....butter panner, butter chicken, lassi, rice items, chhole bhatura..by god....all are deadly dishes...and once we hog..we hardly bother to atleast burn the unwanted stuff!!

when did u last see a huge dustbin?? i m sure pretty recently..the picture wont b too hazy...a huge plastic box...totally packed with all kind of eating stuff..bulging out from all sides...waiting to burst open...stinking as well!! dnt u think our bodies are not very far from it...analogously???

after giving all this gyaan..i just pray that i had a cap like appy fizz..which i cud ve opened and wud have let all the FIZZ in me to go away!!